Why do chefs always have to cut everything so fast? It’s just an onion man, why don’t you relax?

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They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

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If you see me in public, it’s AI.

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Nature just builds 30 foot trees. Without even pulling a permit.

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My handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

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Eating dark chocolate is practically eating vegetables.

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You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?

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In a room full of art, I’d still stare at you.

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Shazam, but for whatever the hell goes on in the apartment upstairs.

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At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

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Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.