50+ Funny Human Jokes That Make Being Alive Hilarious

New funny human jokes

• When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs?

• I smile at all animals, just not the human ones.

• Why do humans need jobs? Why can’t I just exist and make art and chill with my cat?

• Being anti-AI right now feels like being one of the few unbitten humans in a zombie apocalypse.

• AI could never replace me, you can’t put this much self-loathing into a machine.

• If I were to “picture everybody in the room naked,” I would be stunned and in awe of the beauty and diversity of the human form before me. But thanks for the advice.

• “I’m basically the human version of finding $20 in old jeans.”

• Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

• Watching my wife absolutely hate my daughter’s boyfriend while being nice and hospitable to him has made me question every interaction I’ve had with another human being in my life.

• Using a remote to type on a keyboard on the TV is truly one of the worst human experiences that we endure.

Top funny human jokes

• I hope one day I will sleep before midnight like normal humans do. Every day I sleep tomorrow, even yesterday I slept today.

• Do you use AI, or is the AI using you?

• Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

• If social media has taught me anything, it’s that we are all crazy in a different way.

• A hot tub is basically a big bowl of human soup.

• Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

• It would be nice to see basic human decency make a comeback.

• There should be an Olympics where athletes can take as many drugs as they want. Like, to hell with y’all, let’s see how high humans can really jump.

• The human body is incredible. It’s like, “Oh, you’re stressed and sad? Here, enjoy this acne.”

• The human brain is amazing. It functions 24/7 from the day we’re born and only stops when you’re taking a test or speaking to someone attractive.

Popular funny human jokes

• Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

• Grateful to be living in the “Tetris when it’s going too fast and blocks are helplessly piling up” era of human history.

• Sometimes nature makes art, like trees, waterfalls, and the human butt.

• I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

• I see why history can repeat itself. People are really stupid.

• Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

• The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.

• I predict the next world war will be artificial intelligence versus genuine stupidity.

• The first person to ever throw up was probably like, “Ok, what the hell.”

• My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

More funny human jokes

• It’s time for basic human empathy to make a comeback.

• “AI is coming for your job.” Yeah, I’d like to see AI drink 11 coffees, then have a panic attack.

• The concept of dominant hands is hilarious to me. That one of our hands is just like, “No, I’m not helping.”

• I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

• The ugliest version of me is the version that comes out when I play board games. I don’t know who she is, but she is a monster. She is not fit for human interaction.

• Humans are just chaos wrapped in meat, going bananas on caffeine.

• I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

• I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

• The human body requires so much maintenance. Who designed this thing?

• Have you ever met the human version of a headache?

Witty human jokes

• I think Bigfoot had it right, stay in hiding from all the shitty human beings.

• There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

• If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

• Thank you for the opportunity but I don’t think being human is a good fit for me. I’m going to go back to school to become an octopus.

• I don’t think human beings were built to know everything going on in the world all the time.

• I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

• I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

• Human stupidity exists because if everyone were smart, we’d have no one to laugh at on the internet.

• It’s okay to embarrass yourself a little in the pursuit of human connection.

• Human hibernation should be a thing.