I don’t know which is worse, people stealing your jokes or people not stealing your jokes.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesn’t even get to be in one.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

*Pointing at a mothers shrieking baby* Is this guy bothering you?

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My ideal vacation would be to drop my family off at the airport and then have a week of peace and quiet.

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I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

New year update: losing everything but weight.

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I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

If the USA is so great, why did someone make the USB?

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

They should invent crushes that like you back.