You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

If I found E.T., I would’ve developed his jump shot.

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Gravity, at all times, is trying to pull your pants down.

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Deleting dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he and his donkey rescue me from a tower guarded by a dragon).

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

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Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

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A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

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Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

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I look stable, but I talk to animals and wait for them to reply.