Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.
  • We got our carpet cleaned today, so I’m just waiting for the dog to throw up.
  • They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.
  • Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.
  • So many spreadsheets and not once did I feel excelled.
  • Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.