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How are they running out of oxygen if they’re breathing it right back into the submarine?

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Journaling was the most useless thing l ever attempted. Not only am I still suffering but now there’s evidence.

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Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

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The place where you pour in the gas is the car’s gasshole.

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Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.

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Whoever came up with “penny for your thoughts,” “don’t nickel and dime me,” and “another day another dollar” sure knew how to coin a phrase.