Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.
  • Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.
  • Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.
  • I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.
  • My teen would like you to know I ruined her life when I did her laundry today.
  • When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.