Ever since I was a little kid, I knew that I wanted to be late for work.

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew that I wanted to be late for work.

Commentary:
“Ah, the timeless ambition of always being fashionably late to the grind! ⏰😄 Who needs punctuality when you can make a stylish entrance, right? Just blame it on your ‘inner child’! 😉 #FashionablyLate”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?

    Commentary:
    Ah, the age-old question that has perplexed humanity since the dinosaurs were trying to figure out where to put their tiny arms on formal occasions! 🦖🧐 It seems the universe enjoys keeping us on our toes, leaving us all scratching our heads and pondering the ultimate conundrum: “What in the cosmic chaos is really going on here?” 🌌🤯

  • When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the mystical sanctuary of the shower: where reality blends with reverie! 🚿🎶💡 5% cleansing those worries away, 10% perfecting your opera skills, and a whopping 85% plotting to conquer the world… or at least deciding what’s for dinner! The shower curtain knows all your secrets, right? 😉”

  • Apparently there is a bird fight club who holds their meetings outside my window at about 5am.

    Commentary:
    It sounds like those early bird gangs are really ruffling some feathers in the neighborhood! 🐦💥 Maybe they’re just trying to start their day with a little tweet-ment before the sun rises. Just make sure they don’t start charging for ringside seats! 🕊️🥊🌅

  • One of the most embarrassing things in the world: walking downhill.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the noble art of gracefully stumbling down a hill, where a moment of ‘I totally meant to do that’ meets the reality of ‘my feet have a mind of their own.’ 🚶‍♂️🤦‍♀️ #GravityAlwaysWins”

  • Going to look at the small picture for a while. Tired of seeing the big picture. Too much picture.

    Commentary:
    “Taking a break from the big picture can be like switching from an IMAX movie to a flipbook! 🎥📚 Sometimes you just need to zoom in and appreciate the little quirks of life. 🧐🔍 Who knew there could be such a thing as ‘picture overload’? 🤯🤳 #SmallButMighty”

  • I’m cosplaying as a functional adult again.

    Commentary:
    “Breaking out my ‘functional adult’ costume for the day! Let’s hope it’s not as itchy as my last cosplay 😅🎩 #AdultingLikeAPro”