If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

63 shares on Messenger this month:

My therapist said this to me, and it hit me like a brick: “They’re not your friends if they disagree with you or try to challenge you.”

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Called in, “Taking a gap year.”

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

Being a girl must be so easy. All you do is cry all day and text 10 different guys.

95 shares on Telegram this month:

Waving at the end of every Zoom call like it’s the 1800s and a big steamship is leaving the harbor.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

Everyone loves a little silent treatment on the weekend.

40 shares on Twitch this month:

The word “misread” can be misread as “misread.”

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The worst part about waking up is all the remembering.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

Life is way too short to pretend you’re not into some freaky stuff.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

Don’t you hate it when you buy veggies and when you get them home you realize they’re donuts?