Maybe if I spend another day alone in my room then something life-changing will suddenly happen to me!?

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Some people are so judgmental, I can tell by just looking at them.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

All of my problems boil down to me being bad at being alive.

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Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

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Just say ‘lol’ and move on.

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Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

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Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

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Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

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I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

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I haven’t cleaned my shower in so long, it’s becoming a terrarium. Absolutely gorgeous.

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I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”