I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I literally just went through something, and now I’m going through something else. What’s next?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

My card declined at Subway and they started eating the sandwich in front of me.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

There’s a disconnect between the decibel level of my car singing and my talent.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.