Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • “Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.
  • A good substitute for love and and personal fulfillment is a big bowl of fries.
  • I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.
  • Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”
  • Eternal Sunshine of the Thotless Grind.
  • Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.