Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.
  • The problem with dating apps is I don’t wanna date someone that would use a dating app.
  • The devil is keeping him alive to avoid spending eternity with him in hell.
  • Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.
  • The universe clearly isn’t working as it should so someone should turn it off and back on again.
  • If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottles and not on milk boxes. My friends are more likely to find me then.