A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Saw someone from high school. She said she hadn’t seen me in years. That’s likely because I’d always seen her first.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

There are advantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it. There are disadvantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Sometimes I clean my room so dramatically, it feels like I’m erasing evidence.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!