I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

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Trying to explain that I’m fascinated by Japan for wood joinery reasons and not nerd or pervert reasons.

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The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it’s a potato with fur.

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Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

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At bedtime, I ceremonially move the claw clip from my hair to the bag of chips, signifying the end of the day.

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Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

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8 planets, 204 countries, thousands of islands, 7 seas, 8 billion people, and I’m single.

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Weirdos gonna weird.

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I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

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Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.