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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

There is nothing an orgasm can’t fix, I have researched it extensively.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

For security reasons, I highly recommend that you leave one of your children home during the holidays to set elaborate booby traps in case of intruders.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Wanted to report a YouTube video, but there is no option for “Cringe”, so I just picked “Terrorism”.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

If you love someone, let them go. If they come back with snacks, it was always meant to be.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

818 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,980

Funny Quotes Topics

13,922

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10,980

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Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Clueless but committed – that’s my vibe.

Spotted on Instagram:

Sorry, I laughed at your bad joke. I was trying to flirt.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Everyone is celebrating my vegan Bolognese sauce. The secret ingredient is minced meat.

Trending via TikTok:

I may not know what’s going on, but I also have no idea what’s happening.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Making a grown man kiss his camera on Facetime.

This meeting should’ve been a fist fight.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"When the agenda is just two people slapping each other with spreadsheets! 🥊😂📈"

conflict, fight, fist, fist fight, frustration, humor, meeting, sarcasm, workplace

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

According to this box of macaroni and cheese, I am an entire family.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Save tons of money on a weighted blanket by sleeping under the mattress.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Sorry, can’t. Calling NASA and making alien noises.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

People don’t have demonically glowing red eyes in photographs like they used to.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

You’re not going to believe this, but I was doing really well, and then your email found me.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Laxatives help you live up to your full pooptential.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Threads:

Caveman: I just invented the wheel. Journalist: Here’s why the wheel is bad for humanity.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Salsa counts as a serving of vegetables, right?

Spotted on Snapchat:

I put on my Godzilla costume, then go to the miniature golf course to beat up the windmill.

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This meeting should’ve been a fist fight.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I’m not worried about WWIII. I’ve been feeding a crow army for three years.

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate? Asking for my cat.

I keep pressing the space bar, but I’m still on Earth.

I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re excited about your organized fridge.

Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

Relationship status: my last pickpocket had really gentle hands.

I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.

Is everything expensive or am I just poor?

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

The main reason for stress is the daily contact with idiots.

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