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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡บ has copied:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has copied:

Pasta is something I donโ€™t think Iโ€™ll ever get tired of.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡จ has shared:

Iโ€™m starting to think that the secret to having a happy life is avoiding people.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ธ has bookmarked:

Why are people always so scared of self-checkouts when shopping? It’s much quicker and you always get something for free.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has bookmarked:

Don’t be part of the problem. Be all of it.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡พ has downloaded:

Sorry, Mom, I can’t go outside, I’m ugly.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ has viewed:

The closest Iโ€™ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡บ has bookmarked:

A person’s character can be read quite reliably from the way he or she interacts with service personnel.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ธ has copied:

Iโ€™m not into casual sex. Send me a rรฉsumรฉ.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ด has copied:

You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

2435 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,597

Funny Quotes Topics

15,266

Funny Quotes Images

12,597

Updated

16 minutes ago

Users Online

3,451

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Going viral on YouTube:

My wife screamed โ€œyou havenโ€™t listened to a single word Iโ€™ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

Making waves on Discord:

First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Peeling a sweaty sports bra off counts as aerobic exercise, right?

Spotted on Pinterest:

Haircuts should be covered by healthcare.

Breaking via Facebook:

If reports from this daisy are accurate, she loves me not.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

Shared recently on Twitch:

I donโ€™t weigh myself because most scales donโ€™t know how heavy all the grudges Iโ€™m holding onto are.

Trending via Instagram:

Friends with no kids are like: Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.
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Commentary:
"Seems like their job is just opening packages! ๐Ÿ“ฆ๐Ÿ˜‚ #ProfessionalUnwrapper"

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

2435 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,597

Funny Quotes Topics

15,266

Funny Quotes Images

12,597

Updated

16 minutes ago

Users Online

3,444

Funny Quotes of the Month ๐Ÿš€

Funny Quotes of the Year โญ

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has bookmarked:

I am absolutely delicious, and I hate how mosquitoes know it.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ผ has viewed:

One thing that sucks about being grown-up is not being able to say, “My mom said no,” when you don’t want someone to come over.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฎ has shared:

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has viewed:

A new year resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฐ has shared:

One day you said w00t for the last time, and didnโ€™t even realize.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has downloaded:

Whoops, accidentally said I couldn’t make it before they even said the date.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฎ has bookmarked:

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has copied:

Forget mini pizzas. I want one so big it needs a forklift to rotate it.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ด has viewed:

I just went to Crazy Town, and they said you’re a local legend.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Making waves on LinkedIn:

November should have one more day. Just because to me November 31st sounds real. And also I donโ€™t want to pay rent tomorrow.

Seen just now on X:

You can reach me by butterfly.

Shared recently on Reddit:

If youโ€™re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.

Seen just now on Slack:

After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

Making waves on Slack:

Dear nurses, you donโ€™t have to announce my weight, just write it down. Thatโ€™s why I have my eyes closed when Iโ€™m on the scale.

Going viral on X:

I donโ€™t want to alarm anyone, but thereโ€™s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

Just shared via Pinterest:

After a month away and enough pasta to scare an Italian grandma, I can confirm: too much Parmesan? Never heard of her.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Biting your tongue while eating is a perfect example of how you can still screw up, even with decades of experience.

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