After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

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I ate my exam paper. Which means that pretty soon I’ll pass the test.

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Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

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I’m slowly becoming an adult. Please make it stop.

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I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

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I’m addicted to following the rules I made up. And also breaking the rules I made up.

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Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed and the other half don’t know how to do math.

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Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

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An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

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I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

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Sleeping in is the most efficient way to find out which morning rituals you can actually do without.