My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Don’t forget, you are someone’s weird colleague.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

If you ever feel like something’s missing in your life, it’s probably me.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

Does anyone know what to do, like in general?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Putting my Christmas tree up today. Big day for my cats.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Appliances always know when you’re getting a tax refund.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Ain’t nothing better than knowing you were right when everyone else thought you were crazy.