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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I’m currently on a really effective diet called “I only have twenty dollars until payday”.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

Sorry, I can’t talk right now. The seam of my sock feels weird.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

“This would be better if there was cake” really does ring true in any situation.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Why do guys named Timothy go by Tim when they could go by Moth?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

My bank account is also in retrograde.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

I think my soulmate might be carbs.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Maybe I’ll quit so I can focus on summer.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

768 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,930

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,930

Updated

29 minutes ago

Users Online

3,443

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

I was going to learn to play the violin, but it was too much of a commitment. I wanted something with no strings attached.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I like winter because I fundamentally understand I deserve to suffer.

Reported on Threads:

The human brain is great. It works from the second you are born and stops as soon as you start liking someone.

Just landed via X:

I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.

Just landed via Reddit:

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

Making waves on WeChat:

You ever notice how when you get home from food shopping, the kids turn into airport security?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

Trending via Facebook:

I can usually cope with the opinions of others because I don’t listen.

Just landed via Messenger:

If we’re not supposed to be snacking late at night why is there a light in the fridge?

Making waves on Discord:

The older I get, the more I understand why people live in the woods and talk to squirrels.

People who live in glass houses should be put on a watchlist.

People who live in glass houses should be put on a watchlist.
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Commentary:
Sounds like they’ve got nothing to hide… except maybe streak marks on the windows! 😆🔍🏠

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

768 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,930

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,930

Updated

29 minutes ago

Users Online

3,440

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

People in their late 20s and early 30s are like “this is my emotional support trip to Japan.”

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

It’s been a pleasure miscommunicating with you.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Sometimes I look deep into my colleagues’ eyes to check if you really can’t see the back of their skulls.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

“How would you describe yourself.” Me: I absolutely would not.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

I would be more patient if it didn’t take so long.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Seems like paleontologists always have a bone to pick.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Messenger:

It’s Friday. Rules don’t apply.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

Live now on Twitch:

In case anyone hasn’t told you today, I’m beautiful.

Making waves on WeChat:

You don’t know about stupidity until your female friends open up about their love life.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Every time I have to repeat myself, a new curse word gets added into the sentence.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

Just shared via Snapchat:

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Here’s what I’ve learned since I’ve been on social media: I’m not nearly as disturbed as I thought I was.

Live now on Pinterest:

Adulting has stunned me into silence. I have no thoughts, no remarks and no commentary at the moment.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

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