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Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

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Do mens sneezes get louder and louder as they age until they explode?

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Nothing has paid off less than learning to do the Macarena.

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Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

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Youโ€™re never too old or too stupid to become older and stupider.

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Sometimes you just need to eat shredded cheese straight out of the bag.

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I love sleeping so much that it is the first thing I think about when I wake up.

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If thereโ€™s one thing Iโ€™m good at, itโ€™s being annoyed by stupidity.

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My superpower is embarrassing myself.

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I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

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Are you okay, babe? You’ve barely moved in mysterious ways recently.

Are you okay, babe? You’ve barely moved in mysterious ways recently.

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When your dance moves become less "mystic mambo" and more "ordinary oops" ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ˜†

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