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A clever man fills his wife’s closet with so many clothes that no other man can fit in.

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Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

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I named my dog “5 Miles,” so I can tell people I walk 5 miles every day.

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The secret to work life balance is generational wealth.

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Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

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Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

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Tattoos are a great convo starter. So as an introvert, I kinda regret getting them.

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Eating the sticker on an apple counts as 35% of your daily fiber intake.

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Needing to stretch is so funny. Your body is like “Ughhh, make me longer!”

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You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.