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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Just went to the Oreo website and hit “accept all cookies” … and now we wait.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

I do not like FaceTime unless we’re best friends or I’m in love with you.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Hey there, Delilah, we know you broke that dude’s heart.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Terrible things can happen if you go camping. For starters, you could want to go camping again.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

“Well, at least tomorrow is Friday.” -Me, having a bad Wednesday that’s about to get even worse.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

I am half agony, half hope.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1834 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,996

Funny Quotes Topics

14,796

Funny Quotes Images

11,996

Updated

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Users Online

3,435

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Without the words ‘literally’ and ‘like,’ I am nothing.

Making waves on YouTube:

So excited to go to bed and have the worst sleep of my life, and wake up exhausted and aching.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

Just shared via Snapchat:

A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though they know you’re slightly cracked.

Seen just now on Threads:

Kinda in the mood to let my feelings impair my judgement.

Just landed via Instagram:

Website: We use cookies to improve our performance. Me: Same!

Making waves on Facebook:

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

Just shared via TikTok:

If you ever get a chance to date a cute person for one day, where will you take me?

Just landed via Facebook:

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

The lion does not concern himself with social proof.

21 hours ago

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Commentary:
Who needs likes when you're the king of the jungle? 🦁👑😂

animal, animal metaphor, concern, confidence, humor, independence, lion, metaphor, proof, social, social proof

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

November is for turtlenecks and depression.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

I like my bed more than I like most people.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I’m cosplaying as a functional adult again.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I will be posting telepathically on all social media today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Everyone who dramatically ‘quits’ social media is back in 48 hours like it was just a trial separation.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Cheeseburgers should be free for anyone that’s in a bad mood.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Everyone on the bus thinks that they are the main character, when in reality the main character is the bus.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

I wear black because it’s slimming. Exercise is also slimming, but like I said, I wear black.

Spotted on Slack:

Just thinking how many animals we had to ride on before we realized horses were ok with it.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

Breaking via Twitch:

I worry a lot about the wild animals in my neighborhood, but I’m beginning to think they don’t worry about me.

Live now on Instagram:

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

Live now on Messenger:

Do not take me to an escape room. I was a c-section. Someone is gonna have to come get me.

Making waves on Telegram:

Too many types of pasta. I can say my fav is Fliccaroni and not one of you can be sure if it’s real. Look at you googling it.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I don’t get how alcohol turns y’all evil. I just start giggling and get slutty.

Just landed via YouTube:

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

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The lion does not concern himself with social proof.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I hate porn that starts off with sex. I need to know why they have sex.

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

Going to the beach the day after watching Jaws hits different.

I don’t understand how some people find love several times in their lives. I first have to find someone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

What’s your favorite song about a white boy playing funky music?

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

1994: I can’t wait to see what the world is like in 30 years. 2024: God no.

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

Technically mixed martial arts can include tickle fighting.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

My phone charger is lying in another room. HELP.

I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

At 20, I was unstoppable; at 30, I’m just unstartable.

Hide and seek, except it’s my husband searching for where he last put his pants.

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

You’re never alone. There’s mold.

There should be an opposite of Valentine’s Day where you post Instagram photos of your enemy.

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

If you don’t believe aliens walk amongst us, who else could write such unnatural dialogue in pharmaceutical commercials?

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