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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡บ has downloaded:

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has bookmarked:

I logged on to Amazon and they said that they have run out of things that I donโ€™t need.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has bookmarked:

Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has viewed:

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

Theo Von’s entire life is like a raccoon that visits New York City.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has viewed:

I just wish I had the confidence of my husband who thinks everything only takes 5 minutes.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ท has copied:

โ€œI have a favourite holeโ€, me, at the pool table.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ช has viewed:

Adults should get spring break from their jobs.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has viewed:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so eat that cake today.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ท has bookmarked:

I hope some dyslexic people don’t mail Satan instead of Santa.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

1855 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,017

Funny Quotes Topics

14,812

Funny Quotes Images

12,017

Updated

1 minute ago

Users Online

3,455

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Trending via Facebook:

Shoutout to everyone who can’t keep up with the laundry or the dishes but decided it was a great idea to start gardening.

Going viral on TikTok:

It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesnโ€™t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Little kid on the plane to Boston says โ€œdo they speak English there?โ€ and his mom says โ€œkinda!โ€

Just shared via WeChat:

Sometimes I think I should talk to my colleagues more often. Until I talk to my colleagues.

Live now on Slack:

Beer is like the color black: it goes with everything.

Trending via TikTok:

Sometimes I want to sleep, but my brain decides to do a little tap dance through every mistake Iโ€™ve ever made, instead.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Making waves on Discord:

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

Why are conclusions necessary in essays? Were you not following?

Why are conclusions necessary in essays? Were you not following?
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Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

1855 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,017

Funny Quotes Topics

14,812

Funny Quotes Images

12,017

Updated

1 minute ago

Users Online

3,437

Funny Quotes of the Month ๐Ÿš€

Funny Quotes of the Year โญ

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ท has bookmarked:

Iโ€™m sorry that I bit you, I was trying to flirt.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ผ has bookmarked:

Sorry I missed your call 8 months ago. Is everything okay?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ณ has copied:

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ณ has shared:

I’m so glad when summer is over and I finally don’t have to see any feet on the internet anymore.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has copied:

Grateful to be living in the “Tetris when it’s going too fast and blocks are helplessly piling up” era of human history.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ธ has bookmarked:

Iโ€™ve literally never copied and pasted text and thought, โ€œIโ€™m so glad it kept the formatting and font from the other document.โ€

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ธ has shared:

I read all your bumper stickers and now weโ€™re both stupid.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

Bold of me to constantly use the phrase โ€œno worries!โ€ when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ผ has bookmarked:

The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they are not robots.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just landed via Instagram:

Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with โ€œJust so I understand โ€ฆโ€

Freshly posted on TikTok:

There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Pornhub be like “Your phone got a virus,” bro, just play the bloody video.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks itโ€™s night time and goes to sleep.

Shared recently on X:

People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

Just shared via Threads:

Mice after a breakup be like โ€œwe are not on squeaking termsโ€.

Live now on YouTube:

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my train wreck of a life.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Voice messages. Just call, goddamnit!

Reported on Threads:

It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

Trending via Snapchat:

At the plastic surgeon: Please, Doc, help me. My Barbie doll has appendicitis.

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