I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a poorly timed joke that makes everyone feel weird.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

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What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Movie date at my house, but we use pirated sites and spend all night closing pop-ups.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

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Me, when someone’s obsessed with me: Yikes! Me, when someone’s not obsessed with me: WTF?

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

You should just baseline mistrust every single politician at every level until they prove themselves worthy of liking.

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I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

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I am brilliantly social for one and a half hours, and then I need to recover in my bedroom cave for two days.