Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

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I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

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Peloton guy yelling “two more, one more” but it’s me eating Cheetos.

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Tired of being the responsible adult. When can I become the irresponsible adult?

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Remember when movies felt real, and foreheads could wrinkle.

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Later is the best time to do anything.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

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Don’t compare yourself with others. Everyone is better than you.

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I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

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My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.

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My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, “Mom, why do you always buy Snickers when you’re the only one who likes them?”