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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ป has copied:

Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡พ has bookmarked:

Not to brag but I gave someone directions and he made it.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has copied:

I canโ€™t afford a vehicle with wing doors, so I buy the Tupperware with lids which open that way.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has bookmarked:

Why do men have birthdays? Itโ€™s not like theyโ€™re growing up.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

We used to pass notes in class like spies. Folded like origami. Deep like Shakespeare.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฟ has downloaded:

I don’t want to exacerbate things. That would just make things worse.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ซ has downloaded:

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ญ has bookmarked:

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ป has bookmarked:

My body is a โ€œwonder what happenedโ€ land.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ถ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has downloaded:

If you canโ€™t handle me at my weirdest, then leave, because it gets weirder.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,440

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Spotted on Twitch:

I keep my mind active by worrying.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I don’t always whoop, but when I do, there it is.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m going to need to rewatch Idiocracy to see what happens next.

Trending via Discord:

Nothing says, “I love you,” like an echo chamber.

Shared recently on Telegram:

You amuse me, Jester. You may enter my bed chambers.

Just shared via X:

We need to stop making more Christmas music. We have enough.

Making waves on TikTok:

I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

Live now on Pinterest:

Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Thrifting must be so awesome for big guys and extremely small women.

This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

Humorous text about invisibility and masturbation, playful and cheeky tone.
Download image โ†“

Commentary:
Ah, well, I guess all the chronic masturbators out there must have some special x-ray vision then! ๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿ” Or maybe they just have a knack for deciphering hidden messages in the most unconventional places! ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ˜‚

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Keep the laugh going ๐Ÿ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ‘‡

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Social Media Stars โญ

65 shares on Slack this month:

Iโ€™m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.

24 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not gonna have a bad day. The day is gonna have a bad me.

86 shares on Telegram this month:

Experts say that human interaction is important for brain health but Iโ€™m willing to risk it.

19 shares on WhatsApp this month:

A real smartphone would cut you off.

70 shares on X this month:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

16 shares on Threads this month:

Living alone is so dumb, youโ€™ll be asking your pets if theyโ€™ve seen your phone, and those lazy bastards never know.

35 shares on Telegram this month:

Basketballโ€™s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

66 shares on Discord this month:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because Iโ€™ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

96 shares on Instagram this month:

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I do not like FaceTime unless we’re best friends or Iโ€™m in love with you.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

13 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Glory hole but for forehead kisses.

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s like 7 years in a row now.

11 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

5 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

When I quit my job I’m setting one last OOO message that just says “your email will never find me again”

21 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

An escape room, but itโ€™s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and youโ€™re over 40. Good luck!

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

21 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

You can add โ€œcha cha chaโ€ to any sentence you want without explaining yourself. Nobody really appreciates this.

10 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Don’t be part of the problem. Be all of it.

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

UK rappers be like โ€œIโ€™ve got a posh flat and my bird is very comely, I own more motors than the marchioness of cholmondeleyโ€

20 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I skip questions on exams like I’m gonna be a different person when I come back to them.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,704

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡พ has viewed:

Fishing for compliments like โ€œIโ€™m a mess in this photo that I took all morning to get the right angle and filter and after 50 selfies this is meโ€.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has viewed:

Sleeping in is the most efficient way to find out which morning rituals you can actually do without.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฎ has downloaded:

Sorry, Mom, I can’t go outside, I’m ugly.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฒ has copied:

Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll and pop some money in the pocket, please?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ณ has viewed:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ธ has shared:

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฏ has shared:

I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ง has copied:

Liking someone who likes you back is probably really good for your mental health.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡จ has bookmarked:

Neurodivergents will be like, โ€˜Iโ€™m so tired,โ€™ and then refuse to sleep because they havenโ€™t had enough me time after surviving the day.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Going viral on Snapchat:

I never knew how fast I could write until the teacher said pencils down.

Trending via WeChat:

Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I am awake and ready to be disappointed.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Whoever said “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Diabetes was the God of sugar.

Going viral on Slack:

I donโ€™t know which is worse, people stealing your jokes or people not stealing your jokes.

Shared recently on Slack:

As someone with OCD, I can’t help but respect how Pringles are just like, no, this is the order you must eat them in.

Just shared via Reddit:

So, does anyone know how to end mass religious psychosis, or is it just a thing now until we slowly die off from climate-induced disasters?

Just landed via Reddit:

Boyfriends sound cool and all, but unfortunately, I enjoy not talking for days at a time.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am at work.

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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