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🚪😱 "If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted… or you just have really faulty hinges! Either way, it's time to call the ghostbusters or a handyman, just to be safe! 👻🛠️"

close, comedy, door, haunted, house, humor, open

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Post beach shower is undefeated. Greatest feeling a human could experience. Throw a nap in there, and you will never touch serenity so close.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Going ballistic. Anyone need anything?

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

If you finish every sentence with “as the prophecy foretold”, your coworkers will leave you alone.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Ever ghost an entire event to avoid one ghost from your past?

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

“I’m in a really good place right now, not mentally. I’m just indoors with air conditioning.”

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

I ghost family members too, so believe me, bro — it’s not personal.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t change clothes.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Some people you look at or hear talking and think to yourself, the wheel may be turning, but the hamster is dead.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

Going viral on Slack:

Steve Jobs was a vibe coder. He just prompted Steve Wozniak.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver.

Going viral on Threads:

True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people… together.

Trending via Slack:

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

Trending via TikTok:

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Leave me alone, man. I’m just living my life like a candle in the wind.

Just shared via Telegram:

Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

Just landed via Discord:

I’m so old, I still drink my coffee at home in the morning. From a real cup.

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If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Had the bed all to myself last night, so you know what that means… I slept in a slightly different spot, and now my neck feels weird.

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

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Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

It is very hard to set aside the time to do your taxes when you are really busy doing other things like eating a snack or looking around the room.

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

Hello, I’m looking for the people who said “I’ll always be there for you”. Has anyone seen them?

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.

Reverse cowgirl is not a fair trade because, why do you get a view of my sexy back, and all I’m seeing are your toes throwing gang signs?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Are you ever in the mood to get hit by a car and spend like one month in the hospital?

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

“You’re so quick to cut someone off!” God forbid a girl actually has self-respect.

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

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If one door opens when another door closes, your house is probably haunted.

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