My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Whitening my teeth by getting a tan.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

The real morning people are the ones that wake up to call radio stations.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

“You’re acting weird!” I’m not acting.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

My bank account may not be full but my sink, laundry basket and arteries sure are.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Hot wings have killed many people starting with a dude named Icarus.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.