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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn’t a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Hit the vape till it tastes like technology.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

Ironically, the Internet was invented to save time.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

You’ll be fighting for your life financially and that’s when all your toiletries finish at the same time.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

I wonder what John Connor thinks now that everyone is embracing AI.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

The best part of getting older? I can wake up on my day off, without an alarm, at the same time my alarm would go off.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,271

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

I’m not deleting my Twitter, I was here before Elon.

Live now on Facebook:

Who needs an alarm clock when you have a bladder.

Going viral on Telegram:

Everybody in the grocery store is my enemy, and I will not be elaborating.

Trending via Snapchat:

Before we become friends, could you please sign this NDA.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Later is the best time to do anything.

Going bananas on Facebook:

McDonald’s needs a 3rd window so you can trade in all the wrong stuff they gave you.

Just shared via WeChat:

Sorry I’m late. My catapult malfunctioned.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Going bananas on WeChat:

FaceTiming me is for platinum members only.

A dating app for people who are way too into cookies, called Crumble.

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A dating app for people who are way too into cookies, called Crumble.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
🍪😂 "Introducing 'Crumble' – for those who swipe right for cookies faster than they swipe left on bad jokes! Find your perfect match based on your favorite cookie flavor and see if your love can stand the ultimate test of sharing your last cookie 🤷‍♂️🍪 #CrumbleLove #CookieCrush" 😆🍪

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on Threads this month:

I now also have a device that tells me whether I’ve taken enough steps today. If I don’t make it one day, it barks and poops in my apartment.

82 shares on X this month:

That awkward moment you can’t understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.

79 shares on X this month:

One of the voices in my head brought up an excellent point, so obviously he had to go.

43 shares on YouTube this month:

I wish I was as tired in bed at night as I am after lunch at work.

82 shares on Instagram this month:

I am not living la vida loca. I am loca because of la vida.

63 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a Monday, asking it to be a Friday.

91 shares on Reddit this month:

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

How many filters does it take before it’s technically a painting?

94 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m a Leo so I just eat the other astrological signs.

91 shares on Threads this month:

I like people who make me forget that I’m shy.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever invented the gender reveal party needs to be launched into the sun.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Kids today will never understand how many ninjas there were in the 1980s.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Hello! I’m Britain’s greatest spy and my catchphrase is: I tell you my real surname, then my real forename, then my real surname again, in case you missed it.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

As it turns out, the only way to avoid work stress is not going.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Being a woman is trying to guess what the hell is going on with your body three times a week.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I only trust people who give off unemployable energy.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,276

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Some people believe the appendix is a vestigial organ, that its use has long since passed. I think it’s primordial. Its use has yet to come.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Rich people don’t put their couches against their wall. I moved my couch into the middle of the floor and still haven’t gotten rich. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

Not wearing glasses anymore, I’ve seen enough.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

As a man, it’s my job to mistake kindness for flirting.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

My lawyer dropped his briefcase and nunchuks fell out.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Sorry about all the mean stuff I said when I was right.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

A guy who never leaves his apartment so he can get the maximum value out of his rent.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Іf Empire Strikes Back isn’t a Christmas movie, then why is there so much snow in it?

Spotted on X:

I would like to unsubscribe from all responsibilities, please and thank you.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Why do people always assume it’s a compliment when I tell them their baby looks just like them?

Live now on Pinterest:

How many calories do you burn waiting to hear back?

Spotted on Snapchat:

Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

Going viral on Telegram:

Dear ghosts, if you can move stuff around and flicker lights, then you can use a mop.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

Shared recently on Discord:

Coworkers are funny. You could see a guy every day for 5 years then he quits and you never see or even think about him again.

Shared recently on X:

Twitter is just a virtual mental hospital.

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