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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡น has shared:

As a beautiful woman, sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is โ€œew.โ€

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡บ has downloaded:

Biting your tongue while eating is a perfect example of how you can still screw up, even with decades of experience.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ณ has downloaded:

Jingle all the way? In this economy?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡บ has viewed:

I’m on a spinning rock in outer space, and I have to answer work emails.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡จ has shared:

Nobody should be blowing up Teslas. If you just wait a bit, they’ll probably do it by themselves.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has viewed:

For whom the Fetty Waps.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡น has downloaded:

If you ever wanted to know anything about me, just get me a bottle of wine, and you will, in fact, find out in about 10 minutes.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ธ has viewed:

Microdosing Christmas by being present.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡น has bookmarked:

Turns out, sitting on the porch, feeding birds and squirrels, is a pretty good treatment for depression.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,748

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Going viral on Reddit:

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

Freshly posted on Threads:

Iโ€™ll kill the vibe, so you donโ€™t have to.

Shared recently on Slack:

And are the people who find you “hilarious” in the room with us now?

Seen just now on Discord:

Rapunzel, let down your CVS receipt!

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Self-awareness is such a two-edged sword. Like, yay, I know myself better, but at what cost?

Just landed via Twitch:

Please text me back. Iโ€™m about to start making stuff up in my head, and the stuff is all bad.

Spotted on Slack:

Boy, did The Shining nail what itโ€™s like being an only child.

Trending via Facebook:

My pronouns are she/her and my adjectives are problematic/overwhelmed.

Seen just now on Threads:

I’m proud of myself because, despite having so many expenses, I still manage to add more.

Going viral on X:

I think God was high when he made me.

Are you even a parent if youโ€™ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

Humorous quote about parenting, depicting a playful moment of carrying a child like a surfboard.
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Commentary:
"Parenting 101: Master the art of carrying your kid out of a store like a surfboard ๐Ÿ„โ€โ™‚๏ธ Who needs a gym membership when you have a squirming child to wrangle? ๐Ÿ˜† #ParentingProblems"

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Social Media Stars โญ

30 shares on Messenger this month:

For Thanksgiving donโ€™t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

29 shares on WeChat this month:

I had big plans to sleep in today, but my bladder canceled.

94 shares on TikTok this month:

Pretty sure I need to go back to bed and sleep for 3 days.

76 shares on Threads this month:

If you would like to get an idea of what an exorcism is like, try putting clothes on a toddler.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

Break-up so bad, he blocked me on Pokรฉmon Go.

57 shares on Messenger this month:

Telling my coworkers I canโ€™t talk in meetings today because I need to save my voice for concerts this weekend.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

Donโ€™t worry, Iโ€™m only dead inside from the waist up.

69 shares on Threads this month:

Do you think the washing machine and the dryer are actual friends or just work friends?

90 shares on Telegram this month:

Does anyone know if there’s a career in being a piece of shit?

46 shares on Threads this month:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier man.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

6 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Facing my uncle’s dreaded lightning bolt attack at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they canโ€™t see their reflection in a mirror.

6 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I Knew Better, But I Did It Anyway: A Memoir

21 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If you can’t tell which family member is coming up the stairs by the speed and weight of their footsteps, are you even family?

11 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

They should have a special lane for texting and driving.

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

15 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Donuts hug you from the inside.

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I was a nothingburger to him, but he was an everything bagel to meโ€ฆ

21 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Iโ€™m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,638

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has copied:

If I win the lottery, no one around me will be broke, and I truly mean that. I will move to a wealthy neighborhood.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has downloaded:

Somewhere on our planet, there is someone who doesn’t care about you at this moment. It could be billions.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ท has bookmarked:

I have a condition that prevents me from dieting. It’s called being hungry.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ฌ has viewed:

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that Iโ€™m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, itโ€™s probably just that Mercuryโ€™s in retrograde again.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ญ has bookmarked:

Day 12 without chocolate: Lost all hearing in my left eye.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ช has viewed:

Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ผ has downloaded:

Whoever came up with a 30 minute lunch break needs a 30 minute beating.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has copied:

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean โ€˜idiot.’

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has downloaded:

Never underestimate my desire at any given moment to go home.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has downloaded:

Can I come over and figure you out?

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just landed via X:

Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

Just shared via Instagram:

Damn boy, are you a horoscope? Because Iโ€™m selectively focusing on the parts of you that make sense for me.

Freshly posted on X:

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Live now on Messenger:

Whoever said โ€œout of sight out of mindโ€ never lost a spider in the bedroom.

Going viral on Messenger:

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I used to be a night owl, but as Iโ€™ve gotten older, Iโ€™ve become more of a person who doesnโ€™t function at any time.

Trending via TikTok:

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

Live now on TikTok:

You canโ€™t stop me. My tampon wrapper told me I was bold and brilliant.

Seen just now on Threads:

Does the HDMI cord have the most dominant run of any cord ever?

Seen just now on Slack:

Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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