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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

No amount of daylight can save us.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them, because I’m at the mall right now, and guess who’s here.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Opposites often not only attract each other, they often also undress each other.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Hello, I’m a professor in a movie. I only reach the main point of my lecture right as class is ending. Then I yell at students about the reading / homework as they leave.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

What if your dog one day just randomly said “Nobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Spotify wrapped is like my annual mental health report and it’s getting worse by each passing year.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

My hair dryer is so powerful that it doubles as my leaf blower.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

It’s so hot to me when a man has a poorly run Instagram account.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

“I’m pretty good with money unless I leave my house or have access to the internet.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,272

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

Not sure why I drink anymore. I get the same effect from standing up too fast.

Spotted on WeChat:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

Making waves on Instagram:

I should’ve been an air conditioner because all I do is vent.

Going viral on Telegram:

Apparently, staying to yourself and not bothering people bothers people.

Shared recently on Threads:

A diamond is forever, and so is my teen’s grudge against me for some random stuff every other day.

Making waves on Facebook:

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

Shared recently on Discord:

I saw someone wearing a shirt today that said “Eat Pasta Run Fasta,” and I can’t get it out of my head.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here hating myself more.

Just shared via Facebook:

Women pretending not to see men staring at them is an essential survival skill.

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

2 weeks ago

Humorous quote about feeling drained, comparing age to a low phone battery.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the 30+ life – where recharging overnight is just a warm-up exercise for the day ahead. 🤷‍♂️⚡️ Don't worry, you're not alone in the struggle to keep up with the energy levels of a toddler. But hey, at least you're still ticking, even if it's at 60% capacity by lunchtime! 💪😂 #PoweredByLaughs #BatteryLifeStruggles

30, 30s, age, battery, charge, energy, even, exhaustion, hours, humor, me, midday, old, phone

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying things like, “That’s a pretty building.”

88 shares on Twitch this month:

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

81 shares on YouTube this month:

Knowing a guy who knows a guy is one of the most valuable things in the entire world.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Time needs a speed limit.

78 shares on X this month:

I’ve officially reached the age where I don’t want to do anything after 9pm.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

Hate when I have to be mean. Why would you push a sweet girl this far?

79 shares on Threads this month:

People are teaching their dogs how to skateboard and my dog’s chart at the vet says “must be picked up, won’t walk”.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

One of the voices in my head brought up an excellent point, so obviously he had to go.

84 shares on Threads this month:

Being an adult is spending every day looking at a pill bottle, wondering, “Did I take this already?”

68 shares on Twitch this month:

I am not old. I am in the prime of my decay.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

According to your ex, what’s exactly wrong with you?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I can’t today, I have to rot in bed and squander my potential.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The dumbest person you know is being told, “You’re absolutely right!” by ChatGPT.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Do mens sneezes get louder and louder as they age until they explode?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I fall in love with a song and play it until I absolutely don’t wanna hear it no more.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The only reason to engage with a neighbor is if either of you is on fire.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Spending money on disappointing food is a different type of pain.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,585

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

God knew I’d be too powerful if He made me not annoying to women.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

The best part about NYC is you literally see a brand new, hottest woman in your entire life every single day.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

I speak my mind, cause it hurts when I bite my tongue.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m only staying up until midnight on New Year’s to watch that bloody year die.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Coffee doesn’t even make me feel energized, I just drink it for the love of the game.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Sorry I said your toddler should be in commercials for birth control.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

I have so much planned today that I was already tired thinking of it yesterday.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Whoever named rice cakes is probably also responsible for Paris, Texas.

Trending via Twitch:

I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Some people still fail to understand that the boot still has no problem crushing you, even if you lick it clean.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s ten pounds.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Taylor Swift should write a song about when your sleeves keep rolling down every time you wash the dishes.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

Live now on Pinterest:

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

Seen just now on Discord:

Find someone who looks at you the way I look at a cheeseburger.

Seen just now on X:

I think something is so beautifully wrong with you.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone.

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