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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Sorry for having no idea what the hell I am doing. It will happen again.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Nothing bores me like twins who don’t look alike, you should’ve just dropped later if you’re not going to participate.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Spotify Wrapped has a special talent for pulling up an artist I’ve literally never heard of and telling me I actually listen to them 2,000 times per day.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Sorry I’m late, I believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left in the cycle.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

I lied. There’s no sex. Can you help me put this fitted sheet on my mattress?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,699

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.

Shared recently on WeChat:

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

Shared recently on WeChat:

I can’t really explain it but cereal at night tastes better than cereal in the morning.

Making waves on Twitch:

Might put on a bikini and run through your DMs.

Breaking via Messenger:

Later is the best time to do anything.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Everyone should be more grateful for what I don’t say.

Just landed via Twitch:

Made it to Friday, but at what cost? Monday is literally in 20 minutes.

Going bananas on Messenger:

My outdoor flowers are doing amazing this year because I left them at the garden center where they belong.

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

2 weeks ago

Humorous quote about feeling drained, comparing age to a low phone battery.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the 30+ life – where recharging overnight is just a warm-up exercise for the day ahead. 🤷‍♂️⚡️ Don't worry, you're not alone in the struggle to keep up with the energy levels of a toddler. But hey, at least you're still ticking, even if it's at 60% capacity by lunchtime! 💪😂 #PoweredByLaughs #BatteryLifeStruggles

30, 30s, age, battery, charge, energy, even, exhaustion, hours, humor, me, midday, old, phone

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Slack this month:

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

23 shares on Telegram this month:

The only reason I insist on returning to the office is because my cat needs a break from me staring at him all day.

99 shares on X this month:

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

61 shares on Discord this month:

My dog and I play this game, it’s called “What Are You Chewing On Now?” It goes both ways.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

I don’t have any patience because it takes too long.

39 shares on Instagram this month:

It used be called “talking to yourself” but the new term for it is “podcasting”.

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

37 shares on Messenger this month:

I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects.

56 shares on Discord this month:

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

93 shares on Messenger this month:

Might mess around and reply, “That sounds like a you problem,” to every work email today.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

New year; new me. Just kidding. I’m already awesome.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I just refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good to watch.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Dark mode changed me. White screens now feel like staring into the sun.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

All the wrong decisions in this country are based on the fact that my balcony faces out the back and so I can’t speak to the people.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Where can one find a sugar daddy? Asking for a friend.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My boyfriend always complains that I never smile, but he’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Happy Earth Day. You don’t look a day over 4 billion years and get hotter every year.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

You can eat cheesecake for breakfast if you want to. No one can stop you. The police can’t even stop you.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate apps that shut off your music when you open them, like how fu*king important do you think you are?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,635

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Welcome to Twitter, some random, judgmental stranger will be along shortly to complain about your tweets.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I have officially reached the age where I am bothered by lights being on, doors left open, loud noises, and people.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Don’t think my brain is braining properly today.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Where does everyone go to get kisses? I haven’t figured this out yet.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

If I ever become a ghost, I’m gonna go back and haunt college me. Tell him to hydrate.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Threads:

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

Trending via Pinterest:

OK, just so everybody’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

We got our carpet cleaned today, so I’m just waiting for the dog to throw up.

Just shared via Threads:

I’ve touched enough cacti to know they are sharp, but also not enough to stop touching cacti.

Trending via TikTok:

It’s been too long since I partook in shenanigans.

Trending via Slack:

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

Just landed via Messenger:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

Seen just now on YouTube:

Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”.

Shared recently on Discord:

Called in, “I put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.”

Just shared via Facebook:

For Christmas, I’d like to be understood.

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