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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

I’m starting to understand the distant uncle.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Not gonna lie, I just assume everyone is AI now.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Introverts have fun, too — we just don’t care if you know.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Unfortunately, I do enjoy watching the downfall of people who did me wrong.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

They should let you spend one night in a house before you buy/rent it, just to make sure it’s haunted.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,679

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

What happened to the huge corporate Christmas parties you see in all the ’90s movies? Seems like that doesn’t exist at all anymore.

Spotted on Pinterest:

When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

Making waves on Messenger:

I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Over Christmas, some bastard has snuck into my house, gone into my wardrobe, stolen my work trousers, and replaced them with a smaller pair.

Going bananas on Instagram:

The more stupid the views, the harder it is to talk people out of them.

Spotted on Messenger:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok,” yeah, well, I wipe away the hours conversing with the flowers.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Old people understand Roman numerals. I for one.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I just wish I had the confidence of my husband who thinks everything only takes 5 minutes.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Al guys are like, “We can’t use it to cure cancer, but we can suck all the joy and purpose out of life so that dying isn’t sad.”

Going bananas on Instagram:

I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

2 weeks ago

Humorous quote about feeling drained, comparing age to a low phone battery.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the 30+ life – where recharging overnight is just a warm-up exercise for the day ahead. 🤷‍♂️⚡️ Don't worry, you're not alone in the struggle to keep up with the energy levels of a toddler. But hey, at least you're still ticking, even if it's at 60% capacity by lunchtime! 💪😂 #PoweredByLaughs #BatteryLifeStruggles

30, 30s, age, battery, charge, energy, even, exhaustion, hours, humor, me, midday, old, phone

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

Trust my gut? The thing that makes weird gurgling noises immediately when a work meeting goes quiet.

80 shares on Instagram this month:

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

90 shares on TikTok this month:

You amuse me, Jester. You may enter my bed chambers.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

17 shares on Twitch this month:

Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

65 shares on Slack this month:

Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.

25 shares on Threads this month:

I still can’t believe Aldi sells shopping carts for 25 cents. I’ve got 8 of them now and don’t really even have a use for them, it was just too good of a deal to pass up.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

The first guy to clap after seeing something cool must have been like “what the hell am I doing?”

20 shares on Facebook this month:

Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My OnlyFans is just hours of me untangling Christmas lights.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Why does everyone always think that I know what I’m doing? Most of the time I watch myself in amazement and am curious to see what happens.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Just overheard someone describe their hike as “it was like mountain climbing, but flat”.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Walking around the art museum and verbally saying, “Banger,” after inspecting a painting.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Praying none of y’all are unwrapping podcast equipment.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If Twitter has taught me anything, a lot of us aren’t ready for a spelling bee.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Just saw the fattest bird. This guy must get up early as hell.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want to stand, Apple Watch. You stand.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Big fan of calling artists their first name and then the band name as their last name.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,467

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

There’s no better feeling than coming home and immediately changing into your Adam Sandler fit.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Getting ghosted by someone who bothered you in the first place is crazy.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think that’s enough for one day.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

I told you so. Kind regards, your gut feeling.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Incense sticks are just disappointing sparklers.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Girl, I’m bored. Let’s start drinking the daily recommended 10-15 cups of water.

Spotted on Instagram:

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

Spotted on Threads:

No one told me adulthood would require this much multi-factor authentication.

Going viral on Messenger:

Liquor store clerk: “Do you need help?” Me: “Yes, but I decided to come here instead.”

Just landed via Pinterest:

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

Seen just now on Slack:

Relationship goal: synchronizing our eye rolls.

Just landed via X:

My computer: Consider changing your password. Me: Consider fighting me in the streets.

Just landed via Instagram:

Rare earth, this rare earth, that. There’s nothing more rare on this earth than affordable housing in a walkable neighborhood.

Shared recently on Reddit:

The way I see it, eating chips while I wait for my pizza to arrive is no different than ordering a starter in a restaurant.

Just landed via Facebook:

Can we change the phrase “Can I be frank with you” to “Can I be william with you”? I don’t want to be Frank.

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