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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

AI won’t replace me because I’m already useless to society.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

The first Humans saw the sun go up and then back down, and so they decided to call it a day.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

“I’m fluent in creating worst-case scenarios in my head.”

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Don’t know how to explain this, but “hot honey” is the pickleball of condiments (derogatory).

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Why are people always so scared of self-checkouts when shopping? It’s much quicker and you always get something for free.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

The nice thing about wintertime is that it’s darker for longer, so you see a lot less people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,426

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via X:

Pornhub be like “Your phone got a virus,” bro, just play the bloody video.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”

Trending via Facebook:

One of the most disappointing things is when you get a severe thunderstorm warning, and there is no severe thunderstorm.

Just shared via Telegram:

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

Making waves on X:

I don’t care if it’s AI or an immigrant, I desperately need someone to take my job, it’s killing me.

Making waves on X:

DMs full of guys who wouldn’t know what to do with me.

Trending via TikTok:

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Whoever said “out of sight out of mind” never lost a spider in the bedroom.

Going bananas on YouTube:

“You’re in her DMs, my faint presence sits in her Spotify Wrapped through the music I introduced her to. We’re not the same.”

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

1 month ago

Humorous quote about feeling drained, comparing age to a low phone battery.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the 30+ life – where recharging overnight is just a warm-up exercise for the day ahead. 🤷‍♂️⚡️ Don't worry, you're not alone in the struggle to keep up with the energy levels of a toddler. But hey, at least you're still ticking, even if it's at 60% capacity by lunchtime! 💪😂 #PoweredByLaughs #BatteryLifeStruggles

30, 30s, age, battery, charge, energy, even, exhaustion, hours, humor, me, midday, old, phone

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The best way to reach me is with intelligence and humor.

82 shares on TikTok this month:

It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike.

63 shares on Facebook this month:

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

48 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Is there a job where I can lay on the floor and listen to music?

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

33 shares on Instagram this month:

Spice up your anxiety attack by playing the Jaws theme song.

63 shares on WeChat this month:

Hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Pornhub should do a wrap-up of your year like Spotify does.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The main difference between my dog and my kid is my dog responds to her name being called.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m still annoyed that you can catch Covid more than once. I can’t explain why, but it feels kind of rude.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Rule number 1 at a concert: Don’t sing while filming!

10 folks are currently checking 👀

These aliens are taking forever.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

So proud of my ancestors for crawling out of the sea and evolving lungs. Pretty disappointed in them ever since though.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

He doesn’t realize it yet, but this Saturday, I’ll be asking him to untangle 400 feet of Christmas lights.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,453

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jill ate her friend’s sandwich VS Jill ate her friend’s colon.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

I’m looking for insults so intelligent you don’t realize you’ve been roasted until three thoughts later.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Oops, I think I’ve had a little too much to think.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via X:

“Bye, have a great day, I’ll see you after school”, I tell the orange in my kid’s lunch.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

Trending via Facebook:

My kids act like they’re afraid of monsters, when they are literally the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever met.

Just shared via Pinterest:

You are the wind beneath my overly sensitive, motion-activated floodlight.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If I ever become a ghost, I’m gonna go back and haunt college me. Tell him to hydrate.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

Just shared via Slack:

I’ve cooked for men I should have poisoned, so yeah, I do have self-control.

Just landed via Reddit:

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

Live now on Discord:

They’re making me get out of bed.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

If someone asks why you’re so pale, simply reply, completely shocked, “You can see me?”

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