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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

I would flirt with you, but I’d rather seduce you with my awkwardness.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Love when people summon Grok and there’s no reply. He just doesn’t care sometimes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Jan 6, 2026

3,424

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Sorry if my posts have any typos, it’s because I’m driving.

Just shared via Slack:

Am I the only one who prays about everything? Like, ‘God, please help me find where I dropped my AirPods.’

Just landed via X:

Traveling back in time to proudly inform Benjamin Franklin that my stove has wifi.

Going viral on YouTube:

If I was a microplastic, I would simply not go in the ocean or anyone’s mouth.

Seen just now on Threads:

Sorry for the things I said when I thought you weren’t listening.

Spotted on Reddit:

New York is so awesome. Like, yes, let’s spend $108 for breakfast and walk past homeless people freezing.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Harry Potter is sort of crazy. I would have never fought a war for my high school.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

2 months ago

0

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like in autumn, men are holding on to those summer vibes like a hot potato 🥵, while women have already pulled out their winter coats and are sipping on pumpkin spice lattes in style ❄️☕️. It's all about that seasonal transition struggle! 🍂💁‍♂️💁‍♀️

around, autumn, fashion, humor, men, run, seasons, summer, winter, women

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Just realized John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name.

0

3 weeks ago

baptist, biblical, biblical figure, cartoon, cartoon character, character, figure, humor, John, John the Baptist, just, middle, middle name, name, pooh, same, winnie, Winnie the Pooh, wordplay
Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

0

2 months ago

call, everyday, everyday humor, garage, garage sale, garbage, garbage sale, humor, sale, sarcasm, why, wordplay
Please don’t send me mixed signals, I don’t even understand the clear ones.

0

2 months ago

clear, clear signals, communication, confusion, dating, even, humor, i, me, misunderstanding, mixed, mixed signals, please, relationships, send, signals, understand
80 years ago we would have all been institutionalized and I think that’s beautiful.

0

2 months ago

ago, beautiful, beauty, health, history, humor, i, institutionalization, mental, mental health, reflection, think, time
Instead of renting an apartment, I’m going to save up for a lighthouse and go insane in it.

0

2 months ago

alone, apartment, crazy, crazy idea, go insane, going, humor, idea, insane, lighthouse, living, living alone, save, save up
I’m afraid that AI will quickly realize that the biggest problem on Earth is humans – and then solve the problem.

0

5 months ago

afraid, AI, apocalypse, Earth, fear, human, humans, humor, problem, realize, solution, solve, technology

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on Telegram this month:

Don’t forget to be mean to strangers on the internet today, for no reason whatsoever.

72 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m not even doomscrolling anymore; I’m just regular scrolling, and everything’s doomed.

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

My bra isn’t just padded — it’s also filled with cookie and chip crumbs.

33 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why is Subway asking me for a tip? Bro, we made this sandwich together.

26 shares on Facebook this month:

Hey, wanna intertwine delusions and make them a reality or nah?

75 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

96 shares on Facebook this month:

I miss when men had big hair, louder feelings, and leaned over cars to declare their love.

87 shares on Discord this month:

They say half the battle of getting in shape is mental, so I thought about the gym really hard today.

42 shares on Threads this month:

People will make you sad but cheese will always make you happy. The choice is simple.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Grocery carts should have barcode scanners on them so you can see how much you’re spending as you put things in your cart.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I’m just so exhausted I have to go to bed and scroll my phone for the next 2-3 hours.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m pretty sure emojis were invented so introverts don’t have to say anything to anyone.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

One time I refused to buy a watch because it was only waterproof to 100 meters. Not sure what sort of future I was imagining for myself there.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Kid, I have jeans older than you.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

There aren’t any emojis that really express any meaningful sort of anguish.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Some of you aren’t reading the room. Not even listening to the room on audiobook.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My lawyer dropped his briefcase and nunchuks fell out.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

234 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,503

Funny Quotes Topics

17,569

Funny Quotes Images

15,503

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,641

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Don’t study, get slutty!

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

The 70s, 80s, and 90s were the best decades – so many memories, no evidence.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

I remember sex. That was cool.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

They should invent a situationship that turns into something beautiful.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

Eating spaghetti to forgetti my regretti.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

I deal with my personal problems the same way I study for tests, I don’t.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

I’m looking for friends with benefits. And by that I mean friends who have pools, boats and beautiful vacation homes.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

I remember when the only in-flight movie choices were either you watched or you didn’t.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Sometimes you need to turn the music up louder and sort your shit out.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Telegram:

If paying a cashier a living wage will make prices go up, why doesn’t replacing cashiers with self-checkouts make prices go down?

Seen just now on Facebook:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI take a 30-minute poop right after clocking in.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Wife asked if I could stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybe…

Spotted on Twitch:

I wish the homes of all my friends were connected to mine by secret underground tunnels.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’m opening a secret ice cream club called The Inside Scoop.

Breaking via TikTok:

I wish I lived in a sitcom, and my friends just barged into my apartment uninvited.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

“Devil’s advocate” implies the existence of heaven’s prosecutor.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

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Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴