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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

I’m not falling for it again. These missions have been successful 8 times already.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

I don’t know which aunty needs to hear this, but focus on your own child.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

I’m a comedian. My pronouns are ha/ha.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

May your life one day be as beautiful as you portray it on social media.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

I love saying “You’re welcome!” really loudly when someone hasn’t thanked me.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

When I try to figure out rows vs. columns, I just row away in my boat of confusion!

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Roses are pink. I need a drink.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Going to look at the small picture for a while. Tired of seeing the big picture. Too much picture.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Robert De Niro always looks like he just smelled a nasty fart.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,553

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Films and television have led me to believe that masquerade balls have a higher mortality rate than most wars.

Spotted on Telegram:

The goose: Canada’s most violent saxophone.

Just landed via Instagram:

Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don’t even like everybody.

Just shared via Reddit:

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Shared recently on Messenger:

This year should be named “things I never thought could happen”.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I hate taking my pants off at the dentist. So humiliating.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

Shared recently on Reddit:

When someone giving me directions says, “You can’t miss it,” I would love to tell them just how wrong they were if I could find my way back to them.

Being single: When you don’t have to wait for someone to watch the next Netflix episode.

3 weeks ago

Funny quote about enjoying solo Netflix binge-watching without waiting for anyone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a partner to Netflix and chill when you've got the remote all to yourself? 📺 No more compromising on that next binge-watch choice! Single and totally in control of the TV schedule! 🍿 #IndependentViewingGoals #NetflixAndNoChill"

activity, alone, alone time, being, binge-watching, episode, freedom, fun, fun activity, Netflix, next, single, someone, time, wait, watch

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s weird when you realize that what you thought was rock bottom was actually somewhere around rock middle.

61 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Kanye is pretty mean for someone with ‘yay’ in their name.

83 shares on Pinterest this month:

One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

33 shares on Messenger this month:

The endings of Lost and Game of Thrones each cost me a television.

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

85 shares on X this month:

Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

14 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

53 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey.

67 shares on TikTok this month:

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I recently discovered “movies.” They’re usually like an hour and a half long, and a pretty good way to kill time. Check it out.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Why are moths always out at night when they like light so much? Wait til y’all find out about the sun.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I got my superpowers when I was bitten by a radioactive idiot.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe Baby wants to be put in the corner.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My four moods: I’m too old for doing that. I’m too tired for doing that. I’m too sober for doing that. I don’t have time for doing that.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I love saying “exactly” to stuff that doesn’t make sense.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,341

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

“I’m tired of being forced to eat microplastics. I’m ready for big plastics now.”

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

I’m a red flag, but the material is quality.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Not really into dating right now, but very into flirting, and that’s where things get complicated.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

The lion does not concern himself with divorce papers.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

“Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

Just landed via Discord:

The end of Twitter is taking forever. Did Tolkien write this?

Just landed via Telegram:

Life update: it’s getting worse.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If I’m ever on life support, unplug me, then plug me back in. See if that works.

Going viral on Threads:

A cheat code to adulting is to always have something to look forward to, no matter how small or big.

Making waves on X:

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

It’s wild that you can just do anything. Date the wrong person, choose the wrong career. You can go outside and start eating dirt if you want, and the universe lets you. Not even a pop-up like “Are you sure?“

Broadcasted on Threads:

If you ever wanted to know anything about me, just get me a bottle of wine, and you will, in fact, find out in about 10 minutes.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

How I flirt? I look at an attractive person several times and hope that they are bolder than me.

Seen just now on Instagram:

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

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