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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Everyone who dramatically ‘quits’ social media is back in 48 hours like it was just a trial separation.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

The first two drinks don’t count if you have social anxiety, they just turn you into a normal person.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

I always do my best sleeping in the 10 minutes before my alarm goes off.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Stop asking people over 40 what we like to do for fun. You’re not gonna like the answer.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Driving behind a salt truck on a snowy day is a Midwest police escort.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

“Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

People would be more motivated to lose weight if the weight they lost went on to someone they didn’t like.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

The Titanic is a great lesson of why “just the tip” can get you into a whole lot of trouble.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

I just want someone who can see through all my bullshit and hate me for who I really am.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

Man, you really don’t appreciate not having something in your eye until you have something in your eye.

Just shared via TikTok:

Parallel parking: where true relationships are tested!

Spotted on Twitch:

Yes, I’m full of microplastics, but it’s actually been helpful. It’s given me superpowers. I can communicate with Tupperware.

Shared recently on Reddit:

People watching you so close, you’d think you were a Netflix series.

Just landed via Messenger:

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Spotted on Threads:

Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

When people give me directions and they’re like “you can’t miss it,” I’m like, “Oh, you do not know what I’m capable of.”

Going bananas on Messenger:

Come on, karma, do your job.

Just landed via Pinterest:

My bad for thinking everyone has common sense.

Making waves on Discord:

When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about embracing laziness and sleepiness all day long.

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Commentary:
"Ah, yes, a proud member of the Association of Sleepy Souls 🌙💤 Embrace the nap life – it's not laziness, it's a lifestyle choice! 😄💤"

am, day, humor, i, identity, just, laziness, sleepy

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48 shares on Snapchat this month:

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

59 shares on YouTube this month:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

84 shares on Slack this month:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I certainly realize, right after I say them.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

27 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry I zoned out during your story… my brain was offering me multiple side quests and overthinking opportunities.

80 shares on Messenger this month:

I need to get my shit together, but at this point, I’m waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.

76 shares on Twitch this month:

I love ketchup from my head to-ma-toes.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Bugs have so many legs to make up for their lack of personality.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

44 shares on Threads this month:

Pesto is just an Italian word that means “produced by pounding”, so in a way we are all pesto.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Where do I sign up to be one of those influencers with 2M followers whose whole thing is just standing in front of other people’s content and nodding?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

You gotta be careful: don’t say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

A 12 step program but it’s just me getting off the couch.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Today’s youth will never experience the pain of spending all their pocket money on a music album. Because of ONE good song!

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Putting sunscreen on kids feels like cardio.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

People see me spending money and think I’m rich. No, bro, I’m just irresponsible.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Sorry I was late, I was frantically applying to other jobs.

Seen just now on Slack:

Bone broth? Oh, you mean skeleton soup.

Trending via Messenger:

So a baby crawls across the floor to it’s bottle and it’s cute but when I do it Im in need of an intervention?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I love how my brain is like, “We’re not going to think about that,” and then thinks about only that.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Hot person: wow, everyone here is so nice.

Live now on Threads:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.

Breaking via WeChat:

My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

Shared recently on Threads:

Jacket I left on a chair that sometimes looks like a person at night stuns in new evening nightmare.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you give it a really good massage?

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

I love when women have one daughter as their only child. It’s so incredibly chic.

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Behold the majestic elephant in its natural habitat, the room.

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you give it a really good massage?

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

I love when women have one daughter as their only child. It’s so incredibly chic.

Breaking News: Local woman stuns in new unnecessary online purchase.

Behold the majestic elephant in its natural habitat, the room.

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨