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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

There’s an epidemic of people just staring at their phones in their parked cars.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Shorts should be half the price of pants.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

People that tell us what sex gods they are, what do you want us to do with that information?

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

When someone asks me if my twins are natural, I tell them no they’re robots.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Sorry I missed your call. I saw that you were calling and immediately threw my phone into an active volcano.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Very confusing that gross pay is before tax. I always find the number way grosser after tax.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,951

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,951

58 minutes ago

3,444

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

Meteorologists are always talking about the weather and hardly ever about meteors.

Shared recently on Discord:

Do you also have teenagers whose styling motto is: freeze to death for coolness?

Making waves on WhatsApp:

The only thing I gained this year is weight.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Oh right, like you’ve never let your kids stay lost in a corn maze just a little longer.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.

Just landed via Snapchat:

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

Making waves on WeChat:

First rule of cleaning while listening to music: the toilet brush is never the microphone. Never!

Trending via X:

My immune system told me it’s a lover not a fighter.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.

6 months ago

Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.

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Commentary:
Sounds like a classic case of "opportunity knocks, but it's just to annoy you instead of it bringing you joy." 🚪😤 Who knew frustration could be so persistent and exhausting, right? Maybe it's time for opportunity to knock a little quieter next time, or just bring some chocolate instead! 🍫😅

excitement, exciting, finding, frustration, humor, i, insomnia, keep, opportunity, pissed, pissed off, sleep

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,951

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,951

58 minutes ago

3,427

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Life is weird and then you die.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

My reality check bounced, guess I’ll have to stay insane for the time being.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Sometimes you send an email that requires a response, and the other person writes back right away, and it’s like NO NOT YET.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

I heard you like bad girls. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

Quality women really do attract everyone. A bright light always attracts all types of bugs.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

“Excuse me, are you gonna finish those fries?” Me, interrupting a couple fighting.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Sometimes the voices in my head get bullied by the voices in my stomach.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone set aside their differences and came together as one to buy me a castle.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My nickname in high school was “who?”

Making waves on Discord:

I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.

Just landed via Messenger:

A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.

Live now on Slack:

Perhaps an evening in the meditation cage will soothe you.

Just landed via Instagram:

The gothic urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a terrifying backstory.

Going viral on Slack:

Tom and Jerry fooled me into thinking dogs bullied cats when it’s the opposite in reality.

Just shared via Messenger:

I won’t rest until a cure for insomnia is found.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Going viral on Telegram:

I’ve started eating healthier and exercising if you’re wondering why I’m in such a crappy mood all of a sudden.

Just shared via TikTok:

Unfortunately, if you want to end your single life, you have to do something. So that’s not for me.

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