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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

That stupid look on my face is my face.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

The great thing about playing the trombone is no one knows if you’re good at it or not.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

The only thing worse than children talking about sex is adults talking about politics.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

When people don’t drink coffee, it’s like, okay, but how do you solve the problem of being awake?

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

I was talking to someone and combined “all good” and “no worries” by saying “all worries”, which was a lot more accurate.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

I’ve literally never copied and pasted text and thought, “I’m so glad it kept the formatting and font from the other document.”

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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785 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,947

Funny Quotes Topics

13,917

Funny Quotes Images

10,947

11 minutes ago

3,427

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

Just saw my evil doppelganger speed away in a DeLorean. I’m sure it’s fine.

Just landed via Threads:

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

Just landed via Slack:

Accidentally clicked a post about UFOs, and now my Facebook algorithm thinks I’m a much different person.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

Breaking via Threads:

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Sorry I’m late. Had to scroll back to my birth year.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

Spotted on Twitch:

I used to be sad about the climate apocalypse, but I went on a few dates and, honestly, I’m ready now.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My step counter doesn’t judge. For him, steps to the fridge are just as valuable as a walk.

Just landed via YouTube:

Of course, my summer body is ready; it’s the same as my winter body but sweatier.

Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.

6 months ago

Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.

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Commentary:
Sounds like a classic case of "opportunity knocks, but it's just to annoy you instead of it bringing you joy." 🚪😤 Who knew frustration could be so persistent and exhausting, right? Maybe it's time for opportunity to knock a little quieter next time, or just bring some chocolate instead! 🍫😅

excitement, exciting, finding, frustration, humor, i, insomnia, keep, opportunity, pissed, pissed off, sleep

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

785 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,947

Funny Quotes Topics

13,917

Funny Quotes Images

10,947

11 minutes ago

3,429

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

I never finish what I start. I have a black belt in partial arts.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

I have a great poker face because I have no idea what’s going on.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

You can just enjoy kombucha. You don’t need to go on a tirade about cleansing your gut.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

My laptop is overheating because I am doing a really good job.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

I called the cops on my own party once because I was ready to go to bed.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

I’m glad cars were invented. Imagine riding a horse at 3am coming back from the club.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

I bet the inventor of the cannon would be relieved to know that they’re mostly about t-shirts now.

Reported on Pinterest:

I’m at that point in my life where if a car hit me, I’d probably say thank you to the kind stranger.

Shared recently on Discord:

The best time to start a family fight is now. It gets you out of buying relatives gifts.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Conflicts may arise but always remember to be the bitter person.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Single, not sure how to mingle.

Just landed via Facebook:

Thank you for your password, now we are going to text you another password, then put that one in. Click ‘remember this computer’ so we can forget it.

Seen just now on WeChat:

‘You’re going to die alone!’ Okay, when did dying become a group project?

Seen just now on Twitch:

Long sandwiches should have suitcase handles.

Just shared via WeChat:

When I’m in a good mood, I go to my blocked list and release one or two prisoners.

Trending via Threads:

Who called it a biological clock and not an egg timer?

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