Dear resealable chocolate bag, your confidence in my self-control was truly inspiring. And you were delicious.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Crying while wearing a backpack has unlocked a new level of humiliation I did not know was possible.

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Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

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“Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight!” Okay, then explain bayonets to me.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

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If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

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I hate when kids scream in public. You don’t have real problems. It should be me screaming.

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Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.

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No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

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90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

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I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir