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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

You’re confusing me with someone who cares what you think of me.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, let them sip on their own bland brew.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Congratulations on angrily speeding past me to get to the red light first. You’re special.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

People always ask me why there’s a chair in my shower. Who the hell eats breakfast standing up?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

I love when really expensive products say, “apply generously,” like, of course, you would say that.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

758 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,920

Funny Quotes Topics

13,890

Funny Quotes Images

10,920

7 minutes ago

3,419

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I already want to come home from work tomorrow.

Going viral on Instagram:

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Most divorces are caused by a spouse eating potato chips while you try to watch TV.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Of course, because I’m wearing a white shirt, my coffee chose violence.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

Just landed via Facebook:

Even when I look up the slang of today’s kids, I still have no idea what it means.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

So many songs that tell you to throw your hands in the air like you just don’t care, so few about the hazards of ceiling fans.

Just landed via Discord:

More foods should have boats, why should gravy have all the fun?

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

6 months ago

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

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Commentary:
Oh, the never-ending cycle of dishwashing – a true test of our endurance and dedication to cleanliness 🧼♻️ It's like Groundhog Day, but with plates and forks! They must be wondering why we keep giving them such a thorough spa treatment only for them to be filled with food crumbs shortly after 🍽️🚿 #DishLife

again, chores, cleaning, dishes, doing, food, going, hours, humor, irony, just, pointless, put, satire, waste, water

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

758 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,920

Funny Quotes Topics

13,890

Funny Quotes Images

10,920

7 minutes ago

3,438

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

4 out 3 people struggle with math.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings!

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Thank you for contacting the abyss. Your scream is very important to us.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Having teens is fun because they demand their independence but then turn right around and ask you for $20.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Just because you can connect to your neighbor’s bluetooth speaker and play ghost noises doesn’t mean you should.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

There I was, quietly reliving my dream of having my own house, when suddenly I was attacked by insane prices.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

Breaking via Discord:

Don’t give up on your dreams. Go back to bed.

Spotted on Messenger:

“You’re always drinking wine!” God forbid a girl enjoys the first miracle of Jesus.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

Spotted on X:

Can it still be an emotional support animal if the animal doesn’t want to participate? Asking for my cat.

Broadcasted on Slack:

I’m done with self-care. Time to learn some spells.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

Going viral on Messenger:

Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

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