Dudes be named Will but won’t.

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I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”

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For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

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I cannot imagine being in high school right now. Imagine the world is eating itself alive and you’re in school.

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I kind of enjoy living in a world where I can end a conversation by simply not texting back.

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I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

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“I need a movie where the villain actually won!” Have you tried watching the news?

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Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

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Egyptians did pretty well for a civilization that wrote entirely in emoji.

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Not to brag but I can chop an onion without crying. And I can cry without chopping an onion.

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My age is news to me every single time I remember.