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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

It’s cool how seeing a less flattering photo of an attractive friend does not change my perception of them at all, but seeing one of myself makes me want to jump off a bridge.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Texting a man first feels like I’m on my hands and knees begging him to talk to me.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

God, I’m not trying to rush you for my soulmate; but could I get the tracking number?

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Cats are probably like: Oh, I should follow you on Litterboxd.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m opening a secret ice cream club called The Inside Scoop.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching TV shows, and playing video games is harder than any job.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,655

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Adulthood is realising no one cares about you, and the show must go on.

Spotted on Reddit:

I love wearing sunglasses. Am I looking at your face? Am I looking at your ass? No one knows.

Spotted on TikTok:

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

Broadcasted on Threads:

Post beach shower is undefeated. Greatest feeling a human could experience. Throw a nap in there, and you will never touch serenity so close.

Going viral on Discord:

Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

Spotted on Facebook:

Girls with long hair will literally leave little traces of themselves wherever they go, like feathers falling from an angel’s wings.

Spotted on TikTok:

The older I get, the more I lose my looks. But I’m also losing my eyesight, so it’s not my problem.

Shared recently on Messenger:

My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, “Mom, why do you always buy Snickers when you’re the only one who likes them?”

Trending via Threads:

I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I wish I could be as excited about being awake as my dog is about me being awake.

Ever since I learned the show is called Suits because of lawsuits and not because they wear suits, I have harbored a hot white rage within me beyond anything mankind has ever known.

3 weeks ago

Playful quote about realizing the show's name relates to lawsuits, not suits, with fiery humor.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Discovering the true meaning behind 'Suits' was a plot twist greater than any legal drama! 🔥😱👔 Who knew the power of a mere title could unleash such fiery emotions? Something tells me this revelation was a lawsuit waiting to happen! ⚖️😂 #MindBlown"

anything, ever, frustration, hot, humor, i, irony, lawsuits, me, misunderstanding, rage, revelation, show, Suits, television, wear, white

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Reddit this month:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

Let’s ride this misunderstanding into the sunset.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

When I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean accountable.

88 shares on Facebook this month:

Trying to carry a pet to bed is like moving a dense liquid that’s annoyed by you.

39 shares on Twitch this month:

Getting your hair washed by someone else is one of life’s greatest joys no one really speaks about often.

100 shares on Facebook this month:

I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time.

64 shares on TikTok this month:

I have no issue with people talking in the morning. But not with me, please!

88 shares on Messenger this month:

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

15 shares on Slack this month:

It’s crazy people waste their time with hobbies and family when there are strangers on the internet who need to be argued with.

21 shares on Reddit this month:

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

“Your password is too weak.” OK, well, I created him in my image.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when I see a really beautiful car, and I look inside, and it’s a beautiful woman. That’s fire.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Being a woman is wild. I just cried, cleaned the house, had a snack, had a bath, and now I’m fine.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Normalize bed-rotting in the holidays and not feeling guilty about it for your mental health.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Sitting in an antique chair is weird, like this thing has seen so many butts.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

How do I get recruited by a cult? I need some direction in my life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,324

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

I hate it when I go to the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

My DMs are always open if you want to talk to yourself.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Yesterday I really wanted tacos and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Every time you rub your eyes, they should change color a little.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Can someone please just give me a participation trophy for making it through today, please?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Watching “Dirty Dancing” as a teenager: Damn right, no one puts Baby in a corner. Watching “Dirty Dancing” as an adult: This girl is a brat and needs a lesson.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

The best way to reach me is with intelligence and humor.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Does anyone know how to lower the difficulty setting on my life?

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via X:

The house from Hansel and Gretel but made out of tacos.

Spotted on Instagram:

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Making waves on Facebook:

I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

Just landed via YouTube:

I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

Broadcasted on Slack:

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

Shared recently on Discord:

I love being single because how could I explain a 2 p.m. – 5 p.m. nap on a Saturday.

Just shared via X:

I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

Just shared via Twitch:

Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.

Live now on Instagram:

Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

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