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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ญ has viewed:

I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡จ has copied:

Got asked to be a godparent, proving God has lowered his recruitment standards.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ด has copied:

Sawing a hole in a table from underneath to steal a cake is a lot harder than cartoons would have you believe.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has bookmarked:

Having leftover pizza for breakfast is an actual blessing.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ซ has shared:

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has copied:

Dance like nobodyโ€™s watching, except God, the NSA, and Santa Claus.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡น has downloaded:

According to my calculations, we’re all screwed.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡น has shared:

In my 20โ€™s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40โ€™s: oh.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has copied:

They should make a movie that’s good the whole way through.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

2270 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,432

Funny Quotes Topics

15,133

Funny Quotes Images

12,432

Updated

1 hour ago

Users Online

3,448

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Just landed via YouTube:

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

Just landed via Reddit:

“No idea” doesn’t mean I don’t know the answer. I just don’t want to have a conversation.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If I say I love you, itโ€™s just the apocalypse talking.

Going viral on Pinterest:

You misunderstood me. I said I was a “bawler,” not a “baller.” You know, someone who cries a lot.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Woke up feeling not too shabby for a 60-year-old. The only problem is Iโ€™m still in my 40s.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

According to a recent study, women who are a little overweight live longer than men who mention it.

Making waves on Messenger:

Itโ€™s only a family vacation if you think โ€œWeโ€™re never doing this againโ€ at least once.

Just landed via Messenger:

Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

Going viral on Messenger:

Bro, are you a black hole, because you suck energy and light?

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids wonโ€™t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.
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Commentary:
"Who needs security alarms when you have a natural defense system like that? ๐Ÿ˜ฑ๐Ÿ’จ Better hope your guests have strong noses and a good sense of humor! ๐Ÿ˜‚ #PanicRoomActivated"

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ“ˆ

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activity communication dating day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

2270 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,432

Funny Quotes Topics

15,133

Funny Quotes Images

12,432

Updated

1 hour ago

Users Online

3,449

Funny Quotes of the Month ๐Ÿš€

Funny Quotes of the Year โญ

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has shared:

I need a chiropractor for my brain.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ผ has downloaded:

I just shaved my legs and man, the next 7 minutes and 34 seconds before it starts growing back is gonna feel amazing.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฉ has shared:

Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has copied:

These people act like theyโ€™ve never seen anyone wearing a Speedo in a laundromat before.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡จ has bookmarked:

What pushes you to watch 19 seasons of people in a hospital?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ช has copied:

I’m homeless. Minus the ‘m’.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡น has shared:

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ท has bookmarked:

I hate it when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฐ has copied:

Cheer up! Your biggest mistake is probably still ahead of you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has copied:

Who needs dystopian fiction when you can watch the news?

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Making waves on Facebook:

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Calling a lobotomy a “lobobo” to fit in with Gen Z.

Reported on Discord:

To be clear, when I said I was looking for “growth,” I meant in salary, not in workload and stress levels.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.

Going viral on Instagram:

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Women are obsessed with Love Island, but when me and my boys do it in real life, weโ€™re disgusting cheating dogs?

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

My milkshakes bring all the bots to the yard.

Breaking via Instagram:

Christmas is the season of giving, and I’m giving up for good.

Going viral on Instagram:

Itโ€™s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

Reported on Slack:

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

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