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Home Funny Quotes Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or wont text me back.

New funny quotes ✨

Strangers vomiting their beliefs all over you every day is not good for the soul.

Strangers vomiting their beliefs all over you every day is not good for the soul.

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025
It’s time I admit something: Sometimes, when I say good night, I don’t actually go to bed right away.

It’s time I admit something: Sometimes, when I say good night, I don’t actually go to bed right away.

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025
Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

Sorry, boss, I can’t come in to work today, I’m gonna be playing outside.

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025
Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025
I am a friend to all cats. Yes, even the mean ones. They have their reasons.

I am a friend to all cats. Yes, even the mean ones. They have their reasons.

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025
Weekends are getting shorter and shorter. You blink and it’s already Sunday 5pm.

Weekends are getting shorter and shorter. You blink and it’s already Sunday 5pm.

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025
It’s so peaceful when you have no interest in other people’s business.

It’s so peaceful when you have no interest in other people’s business.

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025
No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025
It's scary when the washing machine spins really fast.

It’s scary when the washing machine spins really fast.

Funny Quotes Mar 11, 2025
Whoever came up with a 30 minute lunch break needs a 30 minute beating.

Whoever came up with a 30 minute lunch break needs a 30 minute beating.

Funny Quotes Mar 10, 2025
Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

Funny Quotes Mar 10, 2025
The gaps in my resume are from the space bar.

The gaps in my resume are from the space bar.

Funny Quotes Mar 10, 2025
You can add tears while cooking if you don't have salt.

You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

Funny Quotes Mar 9, 2025
Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

Sometimes the whole point of going out is to then really savor coming back home.

Funny Quotes Mar 9, 2025
I am woman, hear me roar but also meow because I am sensitive.

I am woman, hear me roar but also meow because I am sensitive.

Funny Quotes Mar 9, 2025