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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

As it turns out, the only way to avoid work stress is not going.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ณ has bookmarked:

Yeah, the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens arenโ€™t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has viewed:

I love when I come home, I put on my Adam Sandler clothes.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has bookmarked:

Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ญ has downloaded:

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡จ has copied:

Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡บ has shared:

I drink so much coffee, people feel jittery when they see a picture of me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡บ has downloaded:

Your card declining when you know you have money is a very funny experience.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ธ has downloaded:

You know you’re old when you you barely do anything all day, but still need a nap to continue doing barely anything.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ป has downloaded:

This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,484

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Breaking via Twitch:

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Everyone thinks theyโ€™re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

Going viral on Instagram:

The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.

Making waves on Instagram:

How do I tell the mosquitoes that I don’t consent?

Seen just now on TikTok:

Having a pool is so neat. All of your friends are suddenly interested to catch up on the hottest days of the year.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Sometimes I delay my haircut intentionally to look rugged just to make that glow-up more iconic.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

In the future, there will be grandmas who can’t bake but have tattoos on their backs.

Spotted on WeChat:

How do couples who live together get anything done? I wouldnโ€™t leave my bed if my girlfriend was in it.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I like to minimize the disappointment by being myself right from the start.

Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

Witty quote advising men to avoid questions on dates, humorously highlighting communication tips.
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Commentary:
Oh, of course! Because nothing says romance like a good ol' interrogation! ๐Ÿ•ต๏ธโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ’ฌ Remember, ladies love confidence, so just boldly proclaim your undying love for pickles or your expertise in underwater basket weaving. Who needs questions when you've got statements as smooth as a jazz saxophonist on a moonlit night? Keep those words coming, fellas! ๐ŸŽค๐ŸŒ™ #DatingAdvice #NoQuestionsAsked

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Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ‘‡

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Social Media Stars โญ

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I tell it like it is: Sometimes I watch the calls on my cell phone and just wait for it to stop ringing.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

Ever been in the car with someone who drives so fast that you press your imaginary brakes on the passenger side?

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why do coffee beans smell so good, and coffee breath is like bleh?

68 shares on X this month:

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isnโ€™t enough.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

Youโ€™re never too old or too stupid to become older and stupider.

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

When you clean your room so well that the only trash left is you.

24 shares on TikTok this month:

Car insurance should give you back money at the end of the year for having no accidents.

29 shares on Slack this month:

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money canโ€™t buy happiness.

34 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

10 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

They should invent a food that sounds good for dinner tonight.

18 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I often got called โ€œan old soulโ€ and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Italians, look away now. I break my spaghetti in half before I cook it.

17 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Getting sent money you didn’t ask for is very sexy.

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If barking at nothing was an Olympic sport, my dog would win gold.

17 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

The French only eat snails because they donโ€™t like fast food.

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Shout out to Yamaha for being like, “Here’s a cool motorcycle. Also, here’s a cool piano.”

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

“You’ve changed.” Yeah, I watched a new movie.

16 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

The next man who speaks to me will be sacrificed to the gods for a bountiful harvest.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,626

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has downloaded:

When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡จ has downloaded:

Sorry I slowed down but I had to calculate if the bridge could hold the weight of my car with all the stuffed animals my kids insisted on bringing on vacation.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ด has downloaded:

It really annoys me when people use the wrong word and donโ€™t have the humidity to admit it.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ผ has bookmarked:

Oh, sorry, I canโ€™t right now. Iโ€™m imagining some things and worrying about them.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡บ has downloaded:

My watch battery is fully charged. So I got some time.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ณ has downloaded:

Matcha. Dubai chocolate. Jealousy. Green is back in a big way, and likely due to deforestation.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ญ has viewed:

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡น has shared:

I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฆ๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

Broke my work phone. I canโ€™t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Spotted on YouTube:

The only reason I insist on returning to the office is because my cat needs a break from me staring at him all day.

Making waves on Slack:

I keep forgetting iโ€™m at the age where people will tell me theyโ€™re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

Making waves on Discord:

Waiting patiently for the alien invasion.

Just landed via Twitch:

Abandoned amusement parks are so creepy. It’s no wonder they were abandoned.

Seen just now on TikTok:

You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Messages are way funnier when you know how the person talks.

Shared recently on Slack:

Men shouldn’t be allowed to download any app other than Wikipedia.

Just shared via Discord:

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Taking a guy from skinny jeans to linen trousers, thatโ€™s my way of giving back to society.

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