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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

AI could never steal company time the way I do.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Accidentally used my real personality at work today… heading to HR now.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

What if AirPods had tongues and they started licking the inside of your ears to indicate they’re low on battery?

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Strict parents raise good liars.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Liking a song isn’t enough, I need to be able to call the artist and tell them they did a great job.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,732

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Relationship tip: Make sure you’re the crazy one.

Spotted on TikTok:

Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach your kid about stingrays, and he will pretend to sting you all afternoon.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

Seen just now on X:

Napping is the best activity for weight loss, because I can’t eat anything when I’m asleep!

Shared recently on Slack:

Twitter is cool because you can figure out what’s going on in the world through memes instead of watching the news.

Trending via LinkedIn:

A pretty girl like me should be in the sky, sitting on a star.

Seen just now on X:

I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

Freshly posted on Slack:

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

Shared recently on Reddit:

“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

2 weeks ago

Witty quote advising men to avoid questions on dates, humorously highlighting communication tips.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, of course! Because nothing says romance like a good ol' interrogation! 🕵️‍♂️💬 Remember, ladies love confidence, so just boldly proclaim your undying love for pickles or your expertise in underwater basket weaving. Who needs questions when you've got statements as smooth as a jazz saxophonist on a moonlit night? Keep those words coming, fellas! 🎤🌙 #DatingAdvice #NoQuestionsAsked

advice, ask, cues, date, dating, dating advice, declarative, declarative statements, feel, fellas, humor, interrogation, lady, never, questions, social, social cues, statements, strong, sure

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on WeChat this month:

That moment when you realize “yeah, this person is never gonna hear from me again” is so crazy.

26 shares on Slack this month:

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

31 shares on Threads this month:

Here I am, block me like a hurricane.

32 shares on Facebook this month:

People with air fryers really love to tell you what they air fry.

64 shares on Threads this month:

You never forget your first kiss. Or your first meeting with HR.

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

But if I get tinted windows, how will people see me flipping them off?

65 shares on Reddit this month:

Don’t be alarmed at my semicolon usage; I’m a professional.

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

I found out why my computer keeps freezing. Apparently, I’ve got too many windows open.

10 shares on X this month:

I kind of miss when people stood 6 feet away.

22 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m at an age where I don’t have to go anywhere and I still have jet lag.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

So cool that avocados come with those little wooden balls inside, I think I have collected the whole set.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Just realized doors really are floating in the air 24/7. I don’t like that.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter needs a button that’s “bring back that tweet I was just starting to read before you automatically refreshed.”

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,327

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

God doesn’t do nearly enough smiting anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

My mood is currently on “shuffle”.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

This meeting could have been an oil painting.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

All soups are gazpacho if you’re lazy enough.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

I don’t get involved in anyone’s business, let alone their drama. You should try it.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

I’m too tired to shower. Anyone want to wash my back?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

“Thanks for your payment!” Shut up. I paid that bill against my will.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Life sucks. One day you have tiramisu, and then most other days you don’t. I hate that.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

I’ve arrived like the sun: blinding, necessary, and impossible to ignore.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I’ve learned two important things in life, I can’t remember the first one, but the second one is to write everything down.

Spotted on Twitch:

I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy, I can’t even close my suitcase.

Just shared via Messenger:

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

Breaking via Facebook:

If you like Christmas so much, why don’t you merry it?

Just shared via Twitch:

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

Trending via Facebook:

Welcome to my very loose interpretation of ‘functioning adult’.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

Breaking via Slack:

Nobody told me that when you get a husband the ears are sold separately.

Spotted on Facebook:

The key to a healthy relationship is taking turns being the sad one.

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