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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

If I ever win the lottery and decide to invest in a billboard company, I won’t tell anyone; but there will be signs.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Adulting in 3 words: it’s always something.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

“You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Paw Patrol is just annoying. Exactly how long do dogs live again on average?

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

At least I’m part of the generation that at 30 still looks like it’s in its early 20s.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Only mosquitoes find me attractive. Nobody else.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

“Alcohol and beautiful women” is apparently not an appropriate answer when you are asked about your weaknesses in a job interview.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

When is this robot army coming to take my job?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

11 minutes ago

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

Shared recently on Slack:

Don’t forget, you are someone’s weird colleague.

Making waves on Instagram:

Transgender ambulance driver whose pronouns are we/you/we/you/we/you.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Why spend like $300 Dollars on a pair of shoes? Do you know how many chicken nuggets you can buy with that money?

Spotted on TikTok:

Canadian Thanksgiving isn’t the same day as Thanksgiving in the US because Canadians already put gravy on everything every day.

Going viral on X:

If you wear enough cardigans, people will assume you’re smart and you can stop reading entirely.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Weddings should have a worst man.

Live now on Pinterest:

If I shook my head at every stupid thing I saw, I’d have permanent whiplash.

Making waves on Slack:

Group projects taught me how to do everything alone and trust no one.

Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

6 months ago

Fellas, be sure to never ask a lady any questions on a date. This makes them feel interrogated. Strong declarative statements only.

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Commentary:
Oh, of course! Because nothing says romance like a good ol' interrogation! 🕵️‍♂️💬 Remember, ladies love confidence, so just boldly proclaim your undying love for pickles or your expertise in underwater basket weaving. Who needs questions when you've got statements as smooth as a jazz saxophonist on a moonlit night? Keep those words coming, fellas! 🎤🌙 #DatingAdvice #NoQuestionsAsked

advice, ask, cues, date, dating, dating advice, declarative, declarative statements, feel, fellas, humor, interrogation, lady, never, questions, social, social cues, statements, strong, sure

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

766 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,928

Funny Quotes Topics

13,900

Funny Quotes Images

10,928

11 minutes ago

3,435

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

“You shouldn’t let your cat jump on the counter”, my cat could take out a loan in my name if he wanted to.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

It’s too bad he never woke up and chose violence. “Bob Ross, mob boss” has a nice ring to it.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Me, literally climbing out of a dumpster: Can I give you some personal advice?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Panda bears are proof that it’s okay to be kind of an idiot as long as you’re super adorable.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

I hate it when I’m at work and someone asks “are you at free at the moment?”. Please expand further so I can know if I’m free or not.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

“Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” is now 40 years old. If you have an earworm now, you also have back pain.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

I can now tell the hour of the day by which part of my body needs a heating pad.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Had calamari for the first time ever, and it wasn’t that bad. Maybe I’ll try marriage next.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via X:

Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

As you get older, you suddenly realize that the Smurf who hates everything is the normal one.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Someone yelled “hey, retard!” and I looked back.

Just landed via Facebook:

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

Spotted on TikTok:

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

Just landed via Twitch:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

Just landed via Twitch:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Are you really a personal trainer or do you just want to wear shorts to work every day?

Going viral on Reddit:

Whoever allowed me to become an adult needs to be fired.

Making waves on Slack:

Pressure washing is like regular washing but with a lot of yelling and tight deadlines.

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