Friendly reminder that someone having a different opinion about a movie than you is a direct attack on you as a person and you should take it very personally.

59 shares on Messenger this month:

Sorry about all of the correct stuff I said when I was right.

59 shares on Instagram this month:

I went to a mind reader. She almost went mad.

71 shares on Pinterest this month:

Having sex with the same person gets freakier and nastier each time.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

Ugh, but profoundly.

29 shares on Facebook this month:

The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget, they end up being hidden from me too.

73 shares on Messenger this month:

You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

11 shares on Messenger this month:

In my 20s: I’m gonna live forever! In my 40s: uh oh!

77 shares on Threads this month:

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don’t think being an adult is going to work for me.

94 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I have absolutely no desire to stay in the loop.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.