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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

I bet this email finds you silently screaming on the inside.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

In contrast to the ship, the movie Titanic was quite well received in America.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Sometimes when I’m having a particularly stressful day, I take a pregnancy test to remind myself that at least one thing in my life is still going as planned.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

When a man is a good cook, that cancels out like three red flags.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

I like my messages, how I like my nuts – MIXED.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

If you can’t handle me at my weirdest, then leave, because it gets weirder.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,355

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

Just shared via Slack:

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Texas Chain Saw Massacre is full of plot holes. What happens to the victims when they die? Is there an afterlife?

Shared recently on Facebook:

Whoever has designed parking garages is either an architectural genius or an evil sadist.

Live now on YouTube:

I like it when you’re reading a comic and you can tell the writer is pissed about what the last writer did to the character.

Going viral on TikTok:

You want me to pay attention to the details? The thing the devil is in?

Freshly posted on Threads:

I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

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The worst part of all-you-can-eat buffets are all the witnesses.

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18 shares on WeChat this month:

I feel sorry for Netflix era kids. They will never know the high stakes adrenaline of running away in an ad break, with the beckoning call of a sibling screaming “It’s ON!” to send you hurdling over furniture to get back in time.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sometimes I just say “no idea” because I’m too lazy to think.

56 shares on Facebook this month:

My problem areas are my upper arms and earth.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

Y’all shivering in this cold cause them Shein jackets made outta paper towels.

60 shares on YouTube this month:

AI could never steal company time the way I do.

62 shares on Discord this month:

Commenting “humiliation ritual” on a pic of my friend out with his family.

59 shares on Threads this month:

Life hack: You don’t need white noise to sleep when you have constant ringing in your ears.

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

Men be like, “You’ve been different ever since I disrespected you.”

94 shares on Twitch this month:

There’s really nothing as pathetic as watching a sad little man argue with Grok in hopes of manipulating the conversation to get an answer he wants.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m an adult in the same way a tomato is a fruit.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I shouldn’t have to go to work if it’s rainy. I should get to stare out the window all day like a cat.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, Eat cake.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

I’ve decided to cut my carbs… into smaller pieces before eating them.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

No, I won’t be attending your seance, I barely want to talk to the living.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

A selfie only a mother could like.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

Nudes are outdated. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Making waves on Threads:

I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

Making waves on WeChat:

I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode.

Seen just now on WeChat:

A beautiful woman should never have to send an email. Yet, such tragedies occur every day.

Going viral on Slack:

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

Just landed via X:

For Halloween I will go to the beach dressed as a french fry and let the seagulls destroy me.

Spotted on Telegram:

Don’t date coworkers. Being the hot coworker nobody at work has a chance with is always the best role to play.

Just shared via Threads:

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

Seen just now on YouTube:

When I finally snap it’ll be because I had to type my email address in on the TV.

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Funny all-you-can-eat quotes

New funny all-you-can-eat quotes 👇

The worst part of all-you-can-eat buffets are all the witnesses.

All funny all-you-can-eat quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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