178 funny Christmas quotes - Page 5 - Wordgag

Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.

May 21, 2026

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

May 21, 2026

Dance like nobody’s watching, except God, the NSA, and Santa Claus.

May 21, 2026

Ho, ho, holy shit is Christmas stressful.

May 21, 2026

I’d be really slim if it wasn’t for birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends and me.

May 21, 2026

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

May 20, 2026

When you think about it, Jesus really accomplished a lot in the four months between Christmas and Easter.

May 20, 2026

Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

May 20, 2026

Remember it’s Christmas. You need to check your elf before you wreck your shelf.

May 20, 2026

No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with.

May 20, 2026

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

May 20, 2026

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

May 20, 2026

Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting well wishes for Christmas.

May 20, 2026

All I want for Christmas this year is the housing market to crash, so I could buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom house for $3.

May 19, 2026

Eating Halloween candy and putting up my Christmas tree because nothing matters anymore.

May 19, 2026

This year has gone by so quick. Christmas is basically tomorrow.

May 19, 2026

August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

May 19, 2026

Not a gold digger, but the other night a woman told me her grandpa owns a Christmas tree farm. That shit had me rubbing my hands like a fly.

May 19, 2026