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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Adulthood is realising no one cares about you, and the show must go on.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

The hardest thing about chess is the other guy is always doing some shit.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m only grumpy when I’m awake.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Unfortunately, forcing myself to take out the garbage, wash dishes, do a load of laundry, and vacuum has improved my mental health tenfold.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

January feels like a schizophrenic episode.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

And to think I survived a global pandemic for this.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

My yoga instructor was drunk today. Put me in a very awkward position.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can die.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

Back to work after the long holiday weekend, so you’re finally away from the relatives you don’t like, and back with the co-workers you don’t like.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip, so he wouldn’t lose any. Reader, my “sock trick” is rolling matching pairs together.

Just shared via Messenger:

Channeling my inner forest ghost: hauntingly fabulous and slightly lost.

Freshly posted on X:

Eating cookies left for Santa because the cowboy was a no show.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I’m a big fan of that post-laundry feeling when you’ve got all your A-list clothes back in the game.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I see 1000 girls. I know 100 girls. I talk to 10 girls. I love 1 girl. And she doesn’t love me back.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Wealthy person who has no problems and also meditates sometimes: Meditation is my secret weapon.

Going bananas on Discord:

If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

Just shared via Threads:

If you think you’re going to be in a dangerous situation, dress accordingly. Don’t wear flip-flops to a bank robbery, for example.

Funny collector’s edition quotes

New funny collector’s edition quotes 👇

Parents be like, “I gave you everything I had,” and by everything, they meant the collector’s edition boxed set of mental illness.

6 days ago

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All funny collector’s edition quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Facebook this month:

The moon landing was faked. They actually went to Mars, and I can prove it.

18 shares on Twitch this month:

Fact: WhatsApp is the most boring app if you’re single.

51 shares on Reddit this month:

We can do things one of two ways. My way or my other way.

48 shares on Reddit this month:

The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

45 shares on Threads this month:

11:00 am – Anything is possible. 3:00 pm – But not today.

81 shares on Discord this month:

“Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

Sorry for being socially awkward. It’s just that I’m socially awkward.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

I can’t believe someone ran over my neighbors loud motorcycle tomorrow morning.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Got my mind on my money and my money is nowhere to be found.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Is this art or trash?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Cars should come with a secondary smaller “sorry” horn for when you do something a lil silly by accident.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Popping your head in the cockpit and saying, “Anywhere here will do, chief.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

I can’t be the only one who screenshots confirmations, even though you’ll get an email and text.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Packed all my meds into one bottle for a trip and accidentally invented the best trail mix.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Wealthy person who has no problems and also meditates sometimes: Meditation is my secret weapon.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

Men be like, “Ok, you wanna know the truth,” and lie even harder.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

8 year gap on resume that just says “karate”.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Short men store so much anger in their little body.

Just landed via Instagram:

If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.

Going viral on Telegram:

I feel like you’re allowed to start your day at 4 p.m. if you are pure of heart.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Going viral on Threads:

Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Changing your mind is an underrated activity.

Going viral on X:

“Normalize this, normalize that.” How about y’all feel shame for once?

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Funny collector’s edition quotes

New funny collector’s edition quotes 👇

Parents be like, “I gave you everything I had,” and by everything, they meant the collector’s edition boxed set of mental illness.

All funny collector’s edition quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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