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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

It’s way too easy to lie online. I was just telling Beyoncé about that the other day.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Is Mercury in reggaeton?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Imagine Pinocchio roasting you for 5 mins straight and his nose didn’t move an inch.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

“Autophagy” would be a beautiful name for a girl.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,746

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.

Trending via Instagram:

I don’t need to touch grass, I need to touch one million dollars cash.

Just landed via WeChat:

Nothing says “not interested” quite like a Restraining Order.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Can’t. Typing a password into a TV.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

Breaking via Snapchat:

There should be a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m not sure what to say to that. Can you please say something different?”.

Trending via Slack:

Statistically speaking, people don’t object enough at weddings.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

Seen just now on Twitch:

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Dating outside of your education bracket leads to misunderstandings and arguments.

Funny hearth quotes

New funny hearth quotes 👇

I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

3 weeks ago

better, forebear, hate, hearth, holy, holy sun, humor, i, lamp, lighting, mimic, much, overhead, overhead lighting, should, sin, sun, trying

All funny hearth quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Discord this month:

No one my age is single because they’re all unhappily married.

31 shares on Facebook this month:

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

39 shares on Telegram this month:

A dating app called Unhinged where you agree to meet up and fight each other.

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s Monday, but at what cost?

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Runners who smoke need to pick a side.

99 shares on TikTok this month:

You can tell a group isn’t gonna make it big just by their name.

58 shares on Twitch this month:

Met a microbiologist once. They’re a lot bigger than I imagined.

56 shares on YouTube this month:

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

45 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

I wonder if people who spend all their time screaming on the internet know there are way more fun things to do.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Anyone else’s phone make a retching noise when you unlock it with Face ID?

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Losing a white tee to a stain is a different kind of grief.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

I should’ve existed as a tree.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Legend says that when you’re overwhelmed and on the edge of a nervous breakdown, a small child will appear and tell you that you made their sandwich wrong.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Dear Santa, Money!

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Drinking a couple of beers and then getting onto Red Dead Redemption, and just petting my horse and feeding it apples.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

“What’s your ETA?” do you ask the birds in the sky when they will arrive.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

Roses are red, violets are blue. When I listen to rock music, my neighbors do too.

Seen just now on Threads:

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

Breaking via Discord:

You’re so cultured I’mma start calling you Yogurt.

Spotted on Instagram:

Because of my looks, everyone only wants one thing from me, that I leave them alone.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

It’s so embarrassing when attention seekers feel the need to tell everybody it’s their birthday in, like, every conversation, which, for me, would be today, by the way.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

Spotted on Snapchat:

I feel like a credit card, cause I’m constantly being used irresponsibly.

Spotted on YouTube:

The closest I have ever come to bungee jumping was when I was born.

Going viral on Slack:

When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.

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Funny hearth quotes

New funny hearth quotes 👇

I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

All funny hearth quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨