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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I don’t know the difference between “gray” & “grey” and I’m too scared to even ask.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

(british guy unhooking your bra) All right, what’s all this, then?

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

There’s really nothing as pathetic as watching a sad little man argue with Grok in hopes of manipulating the conversation to get an answer he wants.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I hate apps that shut off your music when you open them, like how fu*king important do you think you are?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

The date abruptly ended over a disagreement on how to pronounce Gnocchi.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

I don’t normally like to brag about expensive trips but I just got back from the grocery store.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

The human brain is great. It works from the second you are born and stops as soon as you start liking someone.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2327 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,489

Funny Quotes Topics

15,192

Funny Quotes Images

12,489

Updated

24 minutes ago

Users Online

3,444

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on LinkedIn:

Perks of being ugly: phone battery lasts longer.

Just landed via Messenger:

If I were an organ, I’d fail.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid things alone.

Trending via Pinterest:

Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

Making waves on Reddit:

Saturdays are for doing absolutely everything or doing absolutely nothing, everybody knows that.

Trending via Pinterest:

People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

Trending via Pinterest:

Amazing if accurate: bleeding money.

Trending via Messenger:

My life coach traded me.

Spotted on X:

Since you’re all so in love, switch phones for Valentine’s Day!

Seen just now on Facebook:

Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

Home » home » Page 5

221 Funny home quotes

More funny home quotes 👇

1 month ago
Share →: My favorite part about going camping is the part where I stay at home, and I don’t go camping.

Commentary:
"Why sleep under the stars when you can binge-watch under a blanket? 🌟🍿 #TeamIndoorCamping"
1 month ago
Share →: Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

Commentary:
"Level of stealth: bathroom ninja! 🚽🏡😎 #HomeIsWhereTheToiletIs"
2 months ago
Share →: I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

Commentary:
"Haunted house: Spooky fun. Structural repairs: Spooky bills! 👻🔨💸"
2 months ago
Share →: You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

Commentary:
"Microsoft Teams be like: 'Did you fall into a black hole or just a snack break? 🍕👀'"
2 months ago
Share →: I found a box of VHS tapes. I’m a bit nervous about the one that has the label torn off.

Commentary:
"Ah, the mystery tape: it's either a home movie, a forgotten blockbuster, or an intimate encounter with 'The Blob'! 📼🤔🍿"
2 months ago
Share →: Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

Commentary:
"When you finally get a day off, and your couch turns into your office 🤦‍♂️📺 #WorkaholicLife"
2 months ago
Share →: Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

…

Commentary:
"Oh great, the parking lot is hosting a reunion and my car wasn't invited! 🚗🙄🎉"
2 months ago
Share →: Did it hurt when you forgot your headphones and couldn’t romanticize your walk home?

…

Commentary:
"When you realize that without headphones, life is just one awkward walk with weird noises. 🎧🚶‍♂️🤔"
2 months ago
Share →: Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

Commentary:
"Finally putting my degree in Couch-ology to good use! 🛋️📚😎"
2 months ago
Share →: To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

Commentary:
“Looks like my dinner options are takeout, homemade, or just learning to photosynthesize! 🌿😅💸”

For even more funny home quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny home quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

I want a girlfriend so hot that people walking down the street know that I am funny.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

I’m too tired to shower. Anyone want to wash my back?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

With a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other, concentration is very important, as every summer child knows.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Most people think that I’m arrogant, but who cares what peasants think.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

“I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight!” Me, 5 minutes after waking up.

Live now on Discord:

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

Going viral on Instagram:

I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I knew I had issues when motivational speakers started to irritate me.

Going viral on YouTube:

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

Seen just now on X:

If you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.

Going viral on Discord:

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Girl cats get named after ancient goddesses and boy cats get named after Taco Bell menu items.

Just shared via Instagram:

I only sleep so my phone can get the night off.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

221 Funny home quotes

More funny home quotes 👇

For even more funny home quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny home quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Wow, this is a really nice, sturdy box. I should keep it in the attic for the next 20 years.

Live, laugh, leftovers.

Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

Carefully choosing which wine to pair with a McRib.

Them: Good morning! Me: Where?

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

The way men eat when they’re single is nothing short of dehumanizing.

If kids these days had a perfume, it would be called Audacity.

Starting drama with me the week before my period is an absolutely terrible idea – for you.

I don’t hate anyone in particular, I just hate everyone in general.

Spiders have the whole world to explore but still try to come up in my house.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.

Hate all political parties and you’ll never be disappointed.

The world is my ostrich, or whatever.

My coworkers think I’m always busy, but I’m really just trying to remember my password.

Hate it when my alarm goes off in the morning, and I’m still alive.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I believe in annoyed at first sight.

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

Noam Chomsky sounds like the legal name of the very hungry caterpillar.

Clueless but committed – that’s my vibe.

Activity Log ✨

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