Commentary:
Sign me up for the email-writing Olympics, where caffeine, pajamas, and strategic emoji use are my secret weapons! 😂💻☕📧
280 Funny home quotes
Movie date at my house, but we use pirated sites and spend all night closing pop-ups.
Commentary:
When "Netflix and chill" turns into "close pop-ups and pray" 😂🍿📺
No better feeling than getting home and realizing you forgot the one thing you went out for.
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Finally perfected my "de-shopping" skills 😂🏠🛒
My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.
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Planning for an epic world trip… around the block! ✈️🌍 Back by dinner! 🍕😄
Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.
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Looks like I've found my new designated barker! 🚗🐶🍻
Thanks to social media, you can now meet weirdos from the comfort of your own home.
Commentary:
Meeting weirdos from my couch: the future is now! 🛋️🤪📱
Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.
Commentary:
Cut the WiFi, and watch the bathroom lines clear faster than a free pizza announcement! 🍕🚀💨
When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.
Commentary:
And I used to resist my future life goals… guess I peaked in kindergarten! 😴🏡🍏🌙
If I’m out drinking and “Push It” starts playing, take me home immediately.
Commentary:
Looks like Salt-N-Pepa is my sign to quietly exit the party before I start busting moves nobody asked for! 🚪💃🥴
Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.
Commentary:
Laundry is my arch-nemesis; it scares me more than binge-watching horror movies alone 🤦♀️🙈🧺